Is life normally like this.

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

He’s always had a certain level of health anxiety. When I was younger, I had some anxiety responses to a few different triggers, and would occasionally throw up with stress. When this happened he used to get angry and shout at me for being useless and wrecking his life. But when he gets sick, there’s always some reason it’s my fault or I’m not helping him enough, then I’m useless and wrecking his life.

I got older, and got better at choking the stress down so I wouldn’t throw up. Unfortunately though our little one is starting to show signs of the same anxiety problem I had. (detail removed by moderator)

According to him, I’ve wrecked littley’s life and social services should take littley away from me. FFS. I’m doing my best.

(detail removed by moderator)

I mean, it could be worse. I guess some people would at this stage be fearing a complete beating, and I don’t expect that. But it’s bad enough. There have been a handful of occasions over the years when he’s thumped me when he gets angry (rarely badly enough to bruise, never near the face). It doesn’t happen often and he seems to think it’s no big deal and I’m only whingeing about it to get him down. But it wears on your mind, when you don’t know when you’re going to get a punch for making some error.

Life has become… very depressing. I’ve gained so much weight due to stress eating, and he yells at me about that as well. Somehow I’ve become old and fat and ugly and useless over the (detail removed by moderator) how does that happen… The only way out of this whole situation would be to kill myself, but I can’t do that because littley would be alone with him. How do I keep the strength together to stay on my feet while littley still needs me.

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Caterpillarbutterfly

I am sorry to hear about your dreadful situation. Its truly awful to be so trapped with someone you are scared of, and your littley would be scared of too.

It’s abuse to get nasty at you when you are ill, for whatever reason. You can’t stop him, and it doesn’t matter whether he’s hit you once, or twice, or never, it’s still anxiety and fear inducing abuse, and you end up walking on eggshells to not upset him, and to appease him.

Do keep talking here and reading other’s experiences to know that you do have options, and that this isn’t your fault. As mother’s we often feel that way, that we have to stay to protect our children from the abuse.

Have you spoken to anyone else about his abuse to you both? You could always talk to the chat service on here, noone would be judging you but may be able to offer links to help for you locally, and help you to feel supported with your situation.

warmest wishes

ts

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