Is my dad abusive?

[Anonymousgirl]

Hi all,

This is my first post. I am now an adult but I still live with my parents. My Dad is becoming increasingly controlling and his behaviour has triggered some memories from my childhood that have led me to question whether he is actually an abuser.

When I have tried to bring this up to other family members in the past, they have made me out to be someone who is too emotional and blowing things out of proportion.

I have wrote down some of the things that have happened to me as a child (and some that are still happening) so I don’t feel like I’m going mad. I think I already know the answer – that he is abusive – but I’m so used to being ignored/laughed at or made out to be a liar by my family that I sometimes question myself.

– Smacked, pushed & pulled up stairs (detail removed by moderator)
– Shouting and threats of violence – (detail removed by moderator)
– Threats to call social services or mental health services:(detail removed by moderator).
– Locks and bolts on all of the doors: (detail removed by moderator). Forbidden from going in the (detail removed by moderator) and locked in the (detail removed by moderator) while he went out/went to sleep during the day.
– Arms/legs slammed in doors if I tried to pull the doors open.
– No flushing the toilet late at night (detail removed by moderator).
– Hot water cut off for days/weeks as a punishment: no showers for whole family.
– Internet cut off for days/weeks as punishment: no contact with friends, unable to do homework.
– Plugs cut off TV’s as punishment.
– Toys & other belongings smashed up, thrown in the bin or thrown in to other people’s gardens.
– When out: not allowed to stop the car on a long journey if needed the toilet or a drink.
– Mom had to secretly give me money for clothes – (detail removed by moderator). Mom did not have access to money, didn’t know how to turn the heating on or use the boiler (still doesn’t know).

[Darkclouds321]

That’s not right what he has done to you. You need to get help. Have you got any members of your family that believe you or can support you?
Is he like that with your mum? Sending you hugs xx

[Anonymousgirl]

Thank you for your kind words Darkclouds321. Thankfully I have a partner who can see right through him and understands me. My younger brothers do not seem to find an issue with him and seem to think it’s normal.

I haven’t seen him be physically violent towards my mom but he is very controlling with her. I’ve seen him (detail removed by moderator), demand that she comes straight home from work and go to bed, demand she cooks his dinner every day and wash his clothes. He tells her how to have her hair cut and (detail removed by moderator). She would drop everything for him at his demand.

They live in a bubble with very little contact with anyone outside of this family and my mom seems to think his behaviour is completely acceptable. I think she thinks he’s being protective but to me it looks like control and a horrible way to have to live.

[Funduro]

My dad and both my brothers are abusive towards me so I’ve had to cut them all out. My dad cheated on my mum when she has four kids to him. He used to beat me as a young child then as I got older and smacked him back and hurt him, he stopped. Bully basically. One time he beat me that badly for basically nothing, I had red marks allover my neck and literally couldn’t see him for a year due to having PTSD.

Men get away with abuse easy in families as we are stuck with them… until we find a way to break free.

Abusive dad and bothers somehow normalised violence growing up…IE violence is the other side of love. This is utter rubbish. Violence to control women is disgusting and weak.

. isolated and live alone now, just to stop myself from being abused any further.

One thing I did was change my number because one of my brothers has been threatening to scatter my mum’s ashes without me. She died fairly recently and they are basically using the ashes as bait to get me to interact with them , so they can abuse me some more.

All sick and twisted men in my family I am afraid.

People with nice families have no idea what we ha e to endure, just because we were born women and not men.

I feel like I have quite a lot of hate now for most men because of their sense of entitlement to abuse women like they are just washing their hands.

I’m sick of just being abandoned because I won’t accept men’s pathetic weak control and abuse…

[Author]

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