Is my perception wrong?

[Starmoon]

I’ve been reading about trauma bonding and gas lighting and basically living with a n********t, whilst I can relate to so much of it, I can’t help wondering if I’m makinf it fit. The counselor bought to my attention that I’m constantly living in high anxiety.. which has got me running in circles and thinking more and more about situations with him and wondering if I was anxious before him or because of him. I was constantly on high alert wondering when he’d dump me or wondering when we’d argue… so I struggled to expesss what I needed or wanted from him.. which according to him caused problems. I didremember snapping in defense once when he told me off for borriwing my mums Hoover. Like I was fed up of him telling me I was wrong to do things so I bit his head off.. I just truly can make sense of anything

[Tiffany]

You perception probably is off, but in the opposite direction to the one you are thinking. It sounds very much like you are still thinking in the way he wanted you to think. It sounds like maybe your counsellor isn’t a good fit for you at the moment. I think you need to talk to people who understand about abuse until you are confident that it was abuse, because while we are unsure we give a picture that can sound quite normal where we minimise their bad behaviour and maximise our faults. It’s part of why couples counseling isn’t advised for abuse. Even if you just phone women’s aid as often as you need, that might help.

It might well be that you have a tendency to anxiety. I have a tendency towards depression. But that doesn’t change abuse.

[KIP.]

There is one reason you’re constantly living in high anxiety and that is his behaviour not yours x hang in there, I can see by your posts that you have come a long way already. Part of my high anxiety was questioning everything. Linked to PTSD. it’s good that you are questioning and working things out without the influence of him brainwashing you x

[Starmoon]

I think I will definitely look at finding a new counselor, I’ll try really hard to find someone who has some experience in domestic abuse.. I know my anxiety is a problem.. but I really need to understand what happened with my ex and to feel validated

[KIP.]

Try to reach out to women’s aid. Just to sit with someone who works for them will validate your feelings. You may find they can recommend a therapist x

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