6th December 2018 at 7:36 am #68227I.dont.know.Participant
So I went from escaping one relationship to another I have learnt early on that the new partner is a abusive.
However my question is he is this part of his abuse he literally says I love you 70000 times a day. I get a txt saying I love you then 5 mins later saying the same thing.
I’m at the point where I’m about to reply saying that he doesn’t need to say it every 5 mins but I’m rather scared of the consiquenes!
He will either sulk , cry, kick off and tell me I’m making him depressed ( that’s the lastest control method).
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Really I want to tell him to get the hell out of my house but he’s from a very ruff area where everyone has everybody’s back and wouldn’t think twice about injuring somebody!
6th December 2018 at 9:36 am #68233TiffanyParticipant
Yes. Sounds like love bombing of a particularly unsubtle kind. You are going to have to get him out somehow. Probably involving the police for your own safety. Please contact women’s aid and make a plan.
6th December 2018 at 10:49 am #68234lover of no contactParticipant
If we forget the ‘I love you’ words bit and just concentrate on the fact that he is relentlessly texting you. What springs to my mind is the word ‘harassment’. Just because he uses I love you to carry out the relentless texting and he probably requires you to respond. One definition of Harassment is ‘targeting someone with behaviour that is meant to annoy or torment them’. Harassment does not have to be threatening to be harassing. Him texting you constantly every few minutes of every day by the sounds of it, is definitely going to torment you. Harassment is also ‘repeated unwanted contact. You don’t want his declarations of love constantly every day. Once a day is plenty. Words are easy to say, no energy on his part. Is he showing he loves you with his actions?
Harassment is also ‘Pestering and Pressure’. Yep he’s applying pressure on you with the constant texting/badgering. Harassment is any kind of on-going torment.
If you can give him no reaction. When a work colleague was on my case , constantly engaging me about this, that and the other I took to just writing on a piece of paper each time she engaged me. This stopped me reacting and I just had one word in response ‘ok’ but then I would go and do what I thought was best. Eventually she realised she wasn’t going to get the reaction (fuel), negative emotion from me so she stopped (well changed tactics) and now I see her doing this very behaviour with new members of staff.
Maybe only look at your phone once in the morning , once in the afternoon, and once in the evening. That way you control the number of times you read his ‘I love you’s’.
The main thing is to keep posting for the knowledge and strength to get away from him.
6th December 2018 at 11:33 am #68239IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there, I’d look at how it makes you feel when you want to him to stop texting you so much. You’re afraid of the consequences it will entail. He’s definately harassing you, just because someone texts that they love you, doesn’t and can’t make the other person love them back. He’s probably getting the feeling that you no longer want him in your life and is trying to talk (text)you out of it(love bombing).
Only you can decide when this behaviour is erratic and you want outside help(police)and want it to stop.
You’re not responsible for where he’s from or what he’ll do to someone else. He’s an adult and as such will have to face consequences if he breaks the law.
I’m lucky😏that I’m not in love or love my oh(I’m detaching emotionally) but I’d still feel bad if he hurt himself or someone else, probably guilty but that’s the way we are.
At least you see his depression for what it is, manipulation
I agree with lover of no contact, try to only look at your phone less and less. You’re doing really well, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Knowledge is power and with power comes the strength we need to do the impossible💜
My interaction with my oh is almost nil. I get annoyed now when he’s constantly trying to engage with me with something he’s saw on the internet, or fb. We talk but we dont talk. It’s usually safe subjects that won’t cause friction or anger on his part. He had a night out coming up, he didn’t ask if I’d mind taking him there and going back for him(i wouldn’t have)id forgotten about it and had arranged to see someone iv not seen in ages. We’ve chopped abd changed dates for a while. So we eventually managed to get a date that suits us both, it coincided with his night out. The thing is he doesnt drink and usually drives himself anyway, picks up his mates(is the designated driver so to speak), but he acted the martyr, it’s fine you go, I’ll drive myself. The thing is, I’m now recognising his behaviour for what it is, manipulation, so I didn’t cancel, like i would normally. And will deal with the fallout when it happens.
13th December 2018 at 12:02 am #68607EbonyRavenParticipant
Hi, your question really struck a chord with me. My oh would say it all the time too, as well as texting. Just like you mentioned, if I didn’t reply straight away then I got all the accusations and sulking.
Obviously, I didn’t love him because I didn’t say it back each time, or text back in moments, even though I can’t have a phone on me at work. This also meant I must be having an affair.
All the things I did, or other ways I said or showed love were ignored or declared to not be ‘real’ love.
I realised eventually that it was one way of him trying to make himself feel good; all he wanted were the words, the appearance of devotion.
The fact that you’re worried about his reaction if you don’t reply the same, immediately shows the truth of it.
Love wouldn’t expect a hollow echo ‘nor sulk or blame if words weren’t said on demand.
I hope you are able to keep yourself safe, and get away.
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