Is there something mentally wrong with me?

[dreamgirl]

Hi, I am new to the site, after years of both emotional and physical abuse he left me (detail removed by Moderator) months ago, but I was devastated, we have been trying to work things out ever since, but I found out he has had so many affairs, one week he wants me then the other week he says he doesn’t, he laughs in my face bragging about his conquests, its been an emotional rollercoaster.
I have realised he is an absolute n********t, and have been trying to get my head straight and walk away from him, but why do I still feel this love for him and this obsession to still want him in my life, I don’t understand my own mind right now, I literally feel insane, he has pushed me to the edge with his cruel mind games, last week I snapped and I actually hit him, it didn’t end well for me. but I still cant stop wanting him and to have our family back together, what is wrong with me??

[Confused123]

Hun

We actually become addicited to these men like a drug, i never would of believed it till it was said to me, uhave to detox yourself from them, that means having no contact and closing all bridges with them , any slight contatc can pull us in, it sad how we get so used to the abuse that when they are not around, we dont know what it is missing, it is actually the abuse and adapting ourselves to a abuse free life, but cause thats all we used to we crave them. Having no contact really does help, you mention children are involved, could somebody do the passover instead of u, put things in place to avoid seeing him, you are not going cray, we just have to beat them at their own game, my ex used to call me every vile name possible and soon as i left i was suddenly the most beutiful sexy lady ever, play them at their own game, give them no reaction , they p**s us to over the max that we end up striking them , even though we end up getting beaten up more

[dreamgirl]

Thanks for your reply, I could possible have others do the handover but im dragging my feet about it cause in all honestly I want to see him, even tho I know I feel so much better when I don’t, I have blocked and removed all social media apps and that has helped, but this final step to no contact I cant seem to do yet.
I still feel like I am holding on to some hope that one day this will all go away and we will be a happy family, but I no in reality it wont, I no it was all a game and I question if the whole relationship was even real or was I just a game. I feel like I am in moarning, like he and myself have actually died, I just cant seem to cope with anything atm, I question everyday ‘how has my life come to this, how has he changed soooo much’ I don’t even recognise him or myself in the slightest!
the things he done in the past, the way he treats me now it so disgusting, I don’t feel like ill ever be happy again or get him out of my heart and head

[dreamgirl]

im not crazy, even tho he tells me at every opportunity I am, I know I deserve better, I do truly see the abuse and how wrong it is!

[Christine]

I can so relate to this. I can hear myself in here. I have come to realise that they enjoy the power it brings them of being wanted and yearned for and the nastier they are, the more we seem to want them, right? It doesn’t make sense but I guess that’s cos its emotional abuse. I always feel better when I don’t see him and once I get through first few days it gets easier. It used yo be weeks but the mourning time takes less time after each time we let them back in and then they hurt us again so we go thru mourning it all again. Surely we deserve a man who will truly love us, treat us with respect, compassion and understanding. I know no one is perfect but at least a man who doesn’t need to make us feel rubbish and worthless to make himself feel needed….

[Christine]

Its a big step coming to terms with who they really are and I don’t think it happens over night. Its a process of talking to people who understand like the wonderful women on here and maybe a counselor so u can start to unravel to confusion, guilt etc….but once you start to see and start to take steps away from him its just a journey of getting stronger bit by bit. I’m still on the journey and I may not be where I want to be yet but I’m not where I was!!! Be kind to yourself and take care of you and your children if you have them. Good luck. I think this forum is fab. Wish I had found it sooner as there are hardly any helplines for emotional and psychological abuse….well that I know if. If anyone knows any please share. Thank you

[KIP.]

Google ‘trauma bonding’. This bond is stronger than love. It bonds us to our abuser in ways you could never imagine. Your thought process is totally messed up by the abuse. It takes time and no contact to break this bond. Understand your emotions work against you. If you can, try to separate the emotional side from the brutal dysfunctional dangerous side. As human beings we crave what is normal to us. Even if that ‘normal’ is dangerous to our mental and physical health. Read other posts on here. Educate yourself on domestic abuse. No contact means no mind games and manipulation.

[Christine]

Yes its when I physically see him its the hardest. Cos I’m still attracted to him and have feelings… Or I think I do? Its even worse now he’s with someone else. In some ways I think it will help me move on….but it still hurts, especially when he comes skipping and all smiles to door. I should be happy for someone being happy right. But it makers me angry. I think cos he was sleeping with me not so long ago And suggesting it again only a few week s ago.. Then he will say he doesn’t want a relationship, its just sex….then go date someone else!!!

[Christine]

I googled trauma bonding and yes it makes sense. The feeling to contact them is so intense. My ex wud ignore me for smallest reason and call me psycho and that I was harassing him when I went into the yearning to contact him phase. Its awful to feel like that too!!!

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