7th December 2023 at 8:56 pm #163888threefluffsParticipant
it’s been a while since i separated and i just don’t seem to be able to let go .
i started dating and i don’t seem to find anyone attractive , the last chap was wonderful but i felt nothing , i actually feel like i’m dead inside and all i can think of it going home and getting into my bed .
i then go over the past over and over untill i’m emotional wreck , am i broken 🙁
7th December 2023 at 10:05 pm #163892BananaboatParticipant
No you’re not broken! But you’re also maybe not fully fixed and need a bit of time because leaving abuse is not a normal breakup, we’ve suffered trauma and there’s all sorts of fun things that come with that. You’re probably also expecting the love bombing / wow I’ve met my soulmate moment with someone new but we know how that went. Hang in there, even meeting new people is a huge step xx
8th December 2023 at 7:14 pm #163913Intr0vertParticipant
I think this is very normal when you have just experienced an abusive relationship. I am not out of the woods yet but I have spoken to people who have experienced what I have and have come out the other side happier and better. Take time for yourself and don’t force yourself to do things if you aren’t ready to. Dating again is a huge step so well done for getting yourself back out there. You will need to do some healing to really be able to understand what happened, how and why before things start making sense or feeling normal to you. Have you had any counselling or therapy? Sending big hugs x
10th December 2023 at 6:57 pm #163976threefluffsParticipant
thank you, i was in counselling for two years , one while i was still in the relationship and a year after i separated . i have to pay for private which was fine but now money is tight.
i juts don’t no what to expect anymore , maybe i expect the worst every time so i put my guard up ??
i just don’t seem to find any one attractive
10th December 2023 at 8:07 pm #163977minimeerkatParticipant
i think its very common to have difficulty dating again after an abusive relationship – probably because the abusive relationship was so intense, especially in the beginning. so when that intensity isnt there with someone new, it just doesnt feel right somehow. its sadly makes a ‘normal’ relationship appear abnormal
i dont know if you feel completely healed from your ex, but if you did want to take up counselling again there are many who are very affordable – because they take your financial situation into account
its only natural that you will have your guard up because of your experiences in your abusive relationship. but hopefully you might have learned what to look out for & immediately notice any red flags
it just takes time so please take as long as you need x
17th December 2023 at 5:40 pm #164133StrongLifeParticipant
I did date and then stopped. I prefer things on my terms – choosing to go out, venues, getting rid of men that have red flags all over them.
I stayed away from online dating.
I try social things with ladies as well. Some men available out there are just shocking.
I’m going through things with trauma and not best time. I’m enjoying romantic movies at moment though.
I cannot see benefits to having man in your life really after what I’ve experienced and dates after this.
True on the comment on lovebombing – you expect it. It’s weird when they are normal and way it was prior to ex
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