Is this a form of abuse?

[Imnotcrazyyouare]

So both me an my partner smoke cannabis. I have adhd therefore I use it as it helps bring me to a more normal level and also helps me to sleep something I struggle with. When I don’t sleep my mental health dips so I really rely on that smoke before bed. When we have an argument (he currently works and pays for the smoke I pay for the bills though and obviously it’s his contact as I’m not allowed to have these type of contacts coz he gets paranoid) so whenever we argue he takes every bit of smoke there is to ensure I’m left with nothing to be able to calm myself down. If I ask for some he starts calling me a (detail removed by Moderator), if I get upset the name calling gets worse.. then he leaves. He has all the money as he’s working he knows I have nothing if he leaves and no way of sorting anything for myself.. I just feel like it’s so mean an cruel I just don’t understand it! He doesn’t see it as abuse because he says it’s my fault for always expecting him to sort it even though the few times I’ve tried he’s kicked off about it.. (detail removed by Moderator) we had an argument (detail removed by Moderator).. he took it all and then came back in the night and slept on the sofa. By the time I woke he had gone work and now he’s not answered the phone all day and is so far (detail removed by Moderator) late. I know we needed more so it’s possible he’s gone to do that an will then be back in around (detail removed by Moderator). But he doesn’t let me know an I’m sat here waiting and really anxious! I hate not knowing what to expect.. he seems to love doing this to me.. dangling me on a string!

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel,
To me from reading your post it sounds like trauma bonding … if this is something that you have not heard about before please do some research
It is a push pull feeling of the hand that feeds you also takes it away
Its very honest of you to post that you are both smoking cannabis, which I would see as a concern … my ex was a drug addict and I was able to observe the patterns of that up and down cycle, the paranoia… there is no balance to this kind of life style … it dictates you
I know you say that it helps you, but any outside source that you rely on is not healthy especially if your partner is controlling when you can have this
You need to start to look at yourself from the inside, start address the issue that is leading you to smoke the cannabis
What pain are you numbing, what are you not dealing with, what are you not facing up to
I appreciate that this is very complex to address and I would encourage you if you can to get some help and support. If not maybe start to google and YouTube about addiction because if you are relying on something and can not go without it, this is an addiction. There is some great stuff online … I would recommend Russell Brand for one
The aim then would be that you can centre yourself, calm yourself, get yourself to sleep without the aid of anything, then the only person who can control you, is you
This will empower you no end and make you stronger
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Sunflowersunshine]

Hi,
I come from a country where weed is legal. And I think we often have preconcieved ideas. In some countries specific over the counter headache medication is illegal. I don’t think is a bad thing. But I think the fear of using it and getting in a country where you cannot get it free, safely and legally creates it’s own boundaries and limitations in an often, as by your description, an already restrictive unbalanced environment. I also come from a country where Dr visits are really expensive. I think there are really accessible options for you to explore with your GP that give direct access to treatment to help with what your main daily concern is, getting good effective rest.

I think exploring a “safe legal routes or options” with your GP would really give you what you want which is autonomy over your own life and body which currently your partner is taking that from you in a controlling way.

And I hope you don’t feel reliant on your partner. Yes, they may be working. There are many social support systems here to assist you in your journey, discuss your specific options available. Or to be a good listening ear and kind person in tough moments. Wishing you all the best. xx

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