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    • #162173
      Poppety
      Participant

      I am left remunating daily over my last relationship that ended nearly (detail removed by moderator) ago. Recently I’ve remembered the time he attempted to lovebomb his way back in after leaving me with no independence and home. The one thing I remember most was the fact he stated he thought about (detail removed by moderator) whilst we were having sex (used like a weapon to draw me in after not wanting to come near me for months before the discard) atleast if he got me pregnant it’s a commitment for life and he can’t run away (discard me like he had numerous times previously). He didn’t but it made me feel like he’d atleast thought about commitment (finally after many years)..
      Now going back to another time years ago, he discarded me and eventually came back and purposely (detail removed by moderator) without any knowledge he was going to & he knew I wasn’t taking anything as I’d had problems & when I questioned why he would do that he said it should prove what I mean to him as its a risk he was willing to take. Not long after he started making jokes about (detail removed by moderator) sometimes said with distain, so when I found out he had indeed impregnated me I felt I was left with no option but to have an abortion which to this day affects me because I wanted it but then he made it clear he didn’t with the comments and jokes about (detail removed by moderator) of ever it happened.. So that was the option I was left with. Would this also be a type of lovebombing?
      He continued the jibes about (detail removed by moderator) continuously throughout the relationship until it suited him to make me feel like he wanted to commit to make me “believe” he wanted me & a life I’d always wanted with him. It’s so confusing. Looking back I feel he knew I was pregnant before I told him and before I even knew that’s why he started the (detail removed by moderator) jokes. When I went for the abortion he left me in a separate room alone for the duration whilst my body went through the motions and showed no emotional support or concern

    • #162178
      Buildmeupbuttercup
      Participant

      I am so sorry for what you went through, that is horrible. You are clearly very introspective, what you described does sound like lovebombing. Ejaculating inside you without your consent is also assault and your ex’s “jokes” were threats, no matter how much he may have denied it. I’m so glad to hear that you are not in this relationship anymore and I wish you all the best

    • #162189
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Future faking may also be at play here, he knew you wanted some kind of commitment so pretended to offer you that – then denied it which is the gaslighting bit. Then as already said, there’s potentially some sexual harassment elements to boot. Regardless of whatever the parts are labelled he treated you horribly, disregarded your feelings and did what he wanted to gain your supply. It’s really hard when our brains replay events trying to understand them so look after yourself xx

    • #162232
      Poppety
      Participant

      Thank you both for replying. I’m still finding the years with them and the things that happened so confusing as he also had his “nice/fun” side. As I became increasingly insecure & jealous I convince myslef that maybe I am partly to blame as that’s what he made me believe, even though I had no control over his changed demeanour always leading up to the discard so I’d always question was there someone else or interested in anyone else. Or more often than not I’d question if he still had feelings for his ex as he’d change if anythjng significant happened in her life or there was a signifanct date for the two coming up. But he’s always tell me its in my head, or its my time of the month, I’m over thinking. He’d told me he loved her to bits before a discard and weren’t sure if he loves, then told me he loved me after discarding but he actually admitted finally to have issues with women after months of him not coming near me, purposely making me feel unattractive (I told him how his demeanour & behaviour was making me feel for it to get worse) to be told I was overthinking things & that I clearly had an issue with my weight (I did not at that point). My confidence got so low I sought out ways to be more appealing & attractive so he’d stop discarding me so had (detail removed by Moderator) jobs to change my appearance but also because he’d referred to his ex as being naturally pretty whilst indicating I wasn’t. Everything he done was subtle but there was a lot of it & not evident to anyone around us,as he’d play it as we split because I didn’t trust him. Apart from the times I’d be distraught going into work and my personality changed, my weight changed, I had increased illnesses. Going off on sick with mental health.. But no one knew the true impact or what was truly happening because he was covert, although there were “jokes” infront of people, like the odd one or two but nothing compared to what I was really dealing with.we worked with the same people so I think no one wanted to admit or see it for what it was. But everyone else would laugh because he was “funny”.
      He’s made comments about my shortcomings and called me a dirty person being from (detail removed by Moderator) but also making joking reference to how I should be good at sex because they start young where I’m from (he knew I was SA as a child). For the amount of time it went on, the amount of time I went off on sick, the weight loss, the disclosures, the change in me as a person & their answers were why do you keep going back, I don’t know how you put up with it.. And I couldn’t even explain that. Then always felt stupid & no one was taking anything I said seriously. I spoke with supervisors and explained I had no control over my life & he chooses as and when he wants to be with me or not & their attitudes were dissmissive, I believe because he’s one of their own. I’ve had him in my face gripping my jaw with one hand, raised fist with the other telling me through his gritting teeth how he can’t stand me and can’t bear to be near me, after only sleeping with me the week before after months of literally not even speaking to me & being treated as though I’m invisible bevause of a decision he made. It makes more sense when I’ve typed /written it down to see it in black & white rather than thinking over things. But then I hear stories of women who have been physically injured through their partner & that also makes me doubt what I’d gone through myself. But I know How’s it’s affected me mentally and how it’s changed me massively as a person… But then again it seems that was their intention from the start as they jokingly said they’d ruin me for all other men. The reality is they just ruined me full stop.

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