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I haven’t been on here for so long so firstly I’m so so sorry if I don’t deserve your support… :(. I don’t even know how to defend it?! I’ve had so many internal battles.. maybe it truly was all my fault and I didn’t deserve to be on here!!
I’ve realized that I’m hard work. When I’m insecure about a situation I push people away. We got back in touch, I fell for him… he seemed so amazing… but he’s got his own place, he gave me a key, said to come to his after I’d been out (removed by moderator) with a friend… so I went but the key didn’t work, I knocked and woke him…. was I out of order for doing so? It was later, dark, raining… I had no more moneys to get a taxi home so I thought waking him was rite but he was so angry!!he went to bed and I sat on the sofa. I wanted him to come to me but he has wor tomorrow so I was expecting too much?? I went to the bedroom and on my children’s life I don’t remember anything from there… I don’t know if I shouted, if I was polite, anything other than that he charged at me and held me by the neck and yanked my hair… I must have said something to make him do that rite? He kept saying I was drunk but I’d had a few glasses of wine, I wasn’t drunk! In the end I called the police… I left his flat but didn’t take my bag. I called the police but didn’t make a statement! -
Bless you Starmoon, of course you deserve support and there is nothing to defend. He has hoovered you up, lured you in and then caused a situation where he feels he can justify attacking you again. Nothing you could have done would justify this however. I suspect you don’t remember because you did nothing. Well done for ringing the police. You can always change your mind and go back to them if you choose. At least he has given you a clear reminder why you need to keep away from him. Please try to cut off all contact now so you can’t be in such danger again. You’ve had a frightening, traumatic experience so please be gentle with yourself and gather any healthy support around you that you have xx
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He’s on bail for the assault (removed by moderator)… we got back in touch though after months of no contact at all. He was mad at me for waking him… maybe a should’ve just walked home… that’s what he’s saying now. I swore that if it even remotely looked like we were going to argue, that I’d just walk away because there’s no point to the argument. It’s a waste of time.
Why did I even argue with him over a key and him being woken up… if I’d just gone home it would’ve been ok now -
Hi and welcome back. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. He set you up once again to justify an attack on you. Please don’t carry his guilt for him. Any contact with these men is so dangerous to your mental health. He’s gas lighting you again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he deliberately gave you a wrong key as an excuse to destroy your confidence and gain some sort of control and have an excuse for,the violence he so obviously gets his kicks from. Remember you have still to be punished for getting him arrested. This is the start. He won’t change. He’s an abuser. Work on changing yourself and staying no contact. Today is the first day of a new year. Back to square one with no contact. I had to do it after being hoovered but I told myself I would never give him the opportunity to stomp on my heart ever again. Abusers only want to get close enough again to slap us. Be kind to yourself. This is very typical behaviour. You will gain strength and be free eventually. Big hugs ❤️
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Why oh why… so long away from him… I still wasn’t over him. Life was ok, it was stress free but Everythibg was a distraction and a stop gap. I’m incomplete without him. Time apart made me see things more clearly.. made me realize my own faults and down falls… initially I saw his but now I doubt them. I didn’t want to be perfect but I thought If I did feel something wasn’t rite or that he was being unfair, that I would be matter of fact, that I’d believe in myself and rather than argue I would walk off. Why do I let it hurt me when he shouts, or when he says things that aren’t true. I swore to myself that if he started a row and tried to project on to me and then ‘dumped me’ I would just say ok and walk away because then there would be no doubt I’d said nothing wrong…
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You’re right about one thing. It wasn’t long enough away from him. These abusers are like a bad drug habit. We crave the good feeling they give us but ultimately they are dangerous and destructive to us. You werent weaned off enough. So you went back to try and find that good feeling again but hopefully now you can see that this drug is unpredictable and makes you spiral downwards X you need to work on no contact and your own self confidence. Ask yourself what you really see in this abuser? What does he bring to a relationship? No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. The problem is all his X
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Hi Starmoon,
I am so sorry you’re still going through it.
This man will always be the way he is, because he will always try to blame you for his behaviour.
I am glad you at least live separately. Please try to keep him away from you. There are men out there who would never feel entitled to treat you this way.
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