Is this a red flag in my relationship

[Anonymous]

I have been with my partner a while. I am starting to see some red flags but am not too sure if it is me or if its just in my head. with my partner he makes comments and when we have a good day I don’t want to pull him and have a discussion about what he says as I don’t want to feel as if I am going to rock the boat.

He hasn’t made these comments in a while and (detail removed by Moderator) ago they put me on edge. (detail removed by Moderator) ao he said something like (detail removed by Moderator), he laughed when he said it I left it and didn’t speak to him about it. another time he had his hand around my neck (detail removed by Moderator) makin comment. I feel like this is stupid but there has been other thins he has said and I no I can’t put too much detail on here. there have been other time where he has jokingly said like this evening in front of our child in the car, I wasn’t paying attention when we pulled up where we were oin in the car he said something a lon the lines of you goin to hit me and he was laughing, I said what are you talking about? he started to laugh. I am concerned by these comments and feel as if my gut is telling me to walk away from this relationship.

when he says thins like this it really takes me back and really can ruin a good moment. I then come away thinking why is he coming out with these comments? why does he laugh when he says them? My head starts to overthink. has anybody else experienced anything like this in their relationship. I feel this may not be the right place but I am not sure how it would o if I spoke to him about it. one time when I mentioned my feelings he ghosted me for nearly week and another time for (detail removed by Moderator) and made no effort to contact or see or child. I often worry about his reaction as this is one of the main ways he deals with thins.

has anyone experienced anything similar? how did you manage to to approach it? should I see them as red flags?

[maddog]

I think you should see these behaviours as red flags. I think your gut is telling you the right message. Although he may not have beaten you to a pulp, yet, he is making it abundantly clear that he could.

You’re having to bend to his rules. The space for you is profoundly diminished, and he threatens you with withdrawal or potential violence when you make your feelings known. That he’s had his hands around your neck is a very serious red flag.

Your local Women’s Aid will be able to support you. Speak to your GP about what’s going on, and let any educational establishment for your child know. None of this is your fault, so please don’t feel ashamed of someone else’s behaviour.

None of us choose to understand the dynamics and effects of domestic abuse. There’s so much support out there to help us.

Also, keep a diary of some sort. and if you think he may be monitoring you, get a cheap burner phone .

Please keep posting here and find real life help and support.

[Eyesopening]

Hey, yeah they are red flags they sound like veiled threats. Most worrying that you cannot talk to him about it, that he punishes you by withdrawing when you want to talk about how you feel. This is also a red flag. Keep writing this all down and tally them up, it may suprised you how many you had, any action or behaviour from him that made your gut wrench can be seen as a red flag.
Does he know you have been in a abusive relationship before (I think this is a new relationship??) Because if he knows this then this is extreamly crual for him to do knowing what you have been through in the past.
Try to think what a trusted brother or friend may do? Would you expect this behaviour from them?
I found this helpfull recently, if my family or friends who I 100% trust wouldnt treat me like that, then why should a romantic partner get to treat me like that?
xx

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