- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I love my partner very much. But after a friend of mine told me that she thinks he’s mentally abusive that’s all I see.
My dad is mentally abusive to me and my mum. So I have grown up with it.
My partner blows hot and cold. I feel like my brain blocks a lot of it out.
An example of what he is like. I planned a party for my sons (detail removed by moderator) birthday. I was very excited about it. Told my partner the date we would do it on etc. He came home from work one evening and said I’m going to football on this date. The date of the party I was upset as I had planned everything and he wasn’t going to be at the party. He told me I was over reacting and that he’s deffo going as I’m not working at the moment and putting pressure on him and he needs a break from me. He works away Monday/Friday every week. I don’t have childcare.
When he shouts at me I stand with my hands over my ears as i hate it.
My little boy is away with my partners mum and my partner (detail removed by moderator) Where he is working. Giving me a break every night my little boy hasn’t been in bed at 7pm which is his bed time. And if he isn’t in his routine for a few days he’s really hard to put back into it. With my partner working away I’m strict on what time he goes to bed as it’s hard enough being on my own.
(detail removed by moderator) he called me and my little boy was running around screaming I calmly said to my partner are you going to get him ready for bed soon darling. He shouts down the phone at me saying that he doesn’t have a bed time he goes to bed when he likes. I know this seems so petty but it really upset me. His mum then rang me saying that I don’t trust her or him to look after my son. Which is not true.
When I was trying to put my son in a routine ages ago I was told that I was only doing it so my partner didn’t get as much time with my son.
Is this abuse or am I over sensitive?
-
Hi Bunny
Welcome to the forum. I don’t think you are being over sensitive, you sound like a great mum and unfortunately your partner is not being a great dad.
He sounds like he does not respect your parenting and if you challenge him on anything you get shouted at which is emotional abuse. It also sounds like he makes you feel guilty for making perfectly normal parenting decisions like getting a routine in place for your son which is not fair on you.
In a healthy relationship you would feel supported by your partner in an abusive relationship it is the opposite and everything can feel like a battle, one which you can never win.
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
-
Yes it’s abuse. He looks for things that make you happy and you’re excited about and he sabotages them making you feel exhausted. He goes against whatever you say because he simply enjoys making you struggle and feel undervalued. He uses any excuse to verbally abuse you. He will simply change the goal posts. I too used to put my fingers in my ears and hum. This is not normal healthy behaviour. It’s destroying your mental health. Gaslighting. Making you feel crazy. Try to get in touch with your local women’s aid. The bottom line I always ask is would I behave this way. No x neither should someone who is supposed to care and support you. Abusers anti parent. They love the chaos and it’s a game to take the power off you. Often arguing black is white just to see your confusion. To wipe out your confidence and self esteem. Think about the times you’ve shown happiness and the times he’s pulled the rug from under you x
-
-
KIP you are so right as always. I recognise so much of what you describe and the way you say it cuts through all the confusion and doubt.
Bunny, Lisa and KIP are right this is not how a healthy relationship should be. The constant undermining and “yucking your yum” as my son would say is not the behaviour of a loving partner, it is abuse, something I have finally come to realise xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
