Is this abuse?

[SnowOnTheBeach]

Me and my live in partner can go weeks where it’s like we’re on cloud nine, he can be so attentive and loving. Then his dark moods come. He accuses me of being horrible to his children if I have pre-arranged plans and can’t drop them at the last minute to stay home with them so he can drink. He shouts and belittles me in front of them, calls me names, and just generally makes me feel rubbish. Even in the good weeks I feel like I’m walking on eggshells in case I say or do something to make him start on me. He pushes all blame onto me and gets defensive when I try to defend myself so I tend to just apologise anyway to try and get the argument to stop. He will then not speak to me for days and goes to see his Mum for hours on end to talk about me and how awful I am. I just feel really lonely and I’m not sure if it’s all my fault or in my head. He’s never been physically abusive and I don’t think he would be but I am scared of nimsometimes.

[Lisa]

Welcome to the forum SnowOnTheBeach,

Thank you for posting. What you’ve described sounds like emotional abuse, which is serious and damaging. Domestic abuse usually happens in a cycle, so there are times when the abuser is overtly nasty and times when they’re loving and attentive. It’s part of what can make it so difficult to realise that you’re experiencing abuse and make it difficult to leave. It often has the impact of making women question whether it’s abuse or not and can make you doubt your own experiences. Most of the women on the forum will recognise the same sorts of feelings and if you read through some of the other posts you’ll see this is something that comes up frequently.

I’m glad that you’ve found the forum for support and hope that you find it a safe place to be with others who understand. If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (8am – 6pm weekdays and 10am – 6pm weekends/bank holidays). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

Posts