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When my relationship started everything was good but very quickly he was showing signs of jealousy he asked me about my sexual history and I told him he got really angry shouting and calling me names since then there’s been a few instances of similar behaviour I’d say every couple of months iv been accused of cheating which then ended in a argument where he becomes very verbally aggressive I have never cheated just to clarify and the times I’m accused are ridiculous iv seen a female friend been accused of having a threesome, a man looks at me have I slept with him, went to a meeting and was asked if I was alone with the man at any point then accused of cheating. He also basically told me I needed to block any exs on social media even though I’m not friends with them he still insisted I block them he has on a couple of occasions told me I need to send him screenshots of my call list ect to prove I’m not cheating which I feel us paranoid and I feel shouting at your partner that she’s a w***e is abusive but am I overreacting is it normal for partners to expect you to block exs and ask to see your phone I feel like the accusations are alot and it’s pretty draining he says he’s asking not accusing and justifys it that way but it’s been (removed by moderator) years and iv been asked the same thing over and over iv also told him that my past is none of his business and that not being trusted and being shouted at and called names is hurtful but it keeps happening he also doesn’t want me seeing my one friend because “(removed by moderator)” I’m just a bit confused and tired tbh
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Hi Blacksy,
I couldn’t ignore your post at all.
this sounds so similar to how my situation started and yes its abusive and no you are not over reacting!
Asking to block anyone (even exs) is not normal, it’s controlling.
sorry for the blunt reply but anything that someone says or does that makes you feel like you have to change the way you are acting or makes you feel uncomfortable is abuse and you do not deserve it.
However, there is a way out. This forum is super helpful and will provide so much insight and advice for you.
I urge you to keep posting.
Well done for reaching out! the first step is the hardest. -
Hi Blacksky1234,
Butterfly-A is absolutely right in that you are not overreacting and his behaviour is controlling.
Doubting yourself and your feelings on this may come from him frequently minimising or belittling your point of view. He absolutely has an issue within himself; always assuming your cheating, never regarding the impact that his behaviour has on you, dismisses what you say and shouts abusive, degrading names at you are all traits of an abuser.
You may find it useful to take part in The Freedom Programme. It is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK.
It’s a good step you’ve taken for yourself coming here on this forum to share your experience. It may be helpful to also get in touch with your local domestic abuse service and just talk through everything you are going through with a worker. They can further validate your feelings and go through any options you may want to explore further.
Welcome to the forum, do keep posting. I’m sure you will soon learn you are not alone in what you are going through and many others here can relate.
Take care,
Lisa
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Thankyou you are both completely right he has been acting like his behaviour is completely normal I just needed clarity because he’s been trying to make me out to be unreasonable, i knew but he has made my head a bit cloudy I have stepped back from the relationship and now I’m sure I won’t be returning
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