Is this abusive?

[Alittlelost]

Im going to try write this post so its not to rude or sexual graphic sorry in advance if its wrong or inappropraite.

If your partner doesnt want to wear condoms and your not on any other form of contraception ( isnt allowed) but you have no plans of having children because of mental instability. You both agree on this that u dont want children right now.

He has a history of always using withdrawal method but one time he doesnt because when ur having sex u used role play in which u say things like agreed he could do what makes u preg ( role play which u have done many times before and both know its just role play and NOT to be actaully done) but he takes that role play as actual consent to do what could lead to pregnacey even though you both know its always only ever been role play and not real.

I then acts like its no big deal or nothing happened.

hope its clear what i mean without being rude. Is that being abusive?

[Wants To Help]

Hi,

I’m not entirely sure what you have described, but one thing I DO now is that if you do not want to get pregnant then you have a right to not get pregnant and not to take any risks of getting pregnant. You say you are not allowed to use other forms of contraception? Is that for medical reasons, religious reasons or because he will not allow you?

If it is the last one, this is C&C behaviour and could fall under sexual abuse where you are being coerced or forced to have sex with a risk of unwanted pregnancy. If he will not allow you to take the contraceptive pill then there are other methods of contraception you could seek such as the implant or injection that will protect you and he does not have to know about it. Are you able to have GP appointments without him accompanying you?

Many abusers want to trap us by pregnancy. That way we are more vulnerable to their control, we are never truly able to break free because there is also the Parental Rights to contend with and contact with the child going forward for another 18 years or so.

If he is preventing you from your choice to use contraception please try and speak to your GP to get this recorded and seek another form that he will be unaware of.

[HopeLifeJoy]

If you agreed on set terms around role plays then he should respect them. He certainly doesn’t respect them.
Please get yourself some contraception to not fall pregnant as he clearly doesn’t respect your wishes. Also I don’t know if it’s too late now but can you get a morning after pill?

[Lisa]

Hi Alittlelost,

I just wanted to offer you some support on this post as I can see how confusing this experience must have been for you, it sounds like very manipulative behaviour from your partner.

Wants To Help is absolutely right, you have a right not to become pregnant and it sounds as if you have made your desires around this very clear. We know that non-consensual pregnancy is a very common tactic of abusers to further trap women in abusive relationships, once you have a child with someone, unfortunately you are tied to them forever through that child.

Yes this behaviour is abusive, it puts a huge amount of responsibility on you and is very calculated and entitled behaviour. It is sometimes referred to as ‘non-consensual insemination’ and can also be considered a sexual offence under ‘conditional consent’ laws. I’m so sorry this has happened.

Contraception is a personal subject and is up to you, and you alone, to decide what you want to do. It may be worth having this conversation confidentially with your GP and making a decision that you feel comfortable with independently.

Take care of yourself and keep posting.
Lisa

[Alittlelost]

Thanks for your replies they have helped me.

[Alittlelost]

Im left waiting to find out if i will be pregnate or not and the worry is so hard to deal with. I dont know what i will do if i am. I doubt i am but theres a chance because when it happened theres higher chances too. I cant deal with this.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Alittlelost,

Can you not get to a pharmacy or supermarket and get a pregnancy testing kit? These give results in a few minutes. What is causing the delay to find out?

If you are pregnant you do have choices, but I would suggest you speak to a health professional to go through these and book an appointment at your GP as soon as you have a result. Do not rush in to any decisions without seeking some professional advice.

[Alittlelost]

Its too early to find out. It wont show in a test for atleast another week i dont think and thats only if i brought one those really good expsencive tests. I just have to wait.

[Wants To Help]

Ah, I thought there were some on the market that could give results within 3 days. I understand the next week is going to be very fraught for you. Fingers crossed it is the result you hope for.

[Alittlelost]

Worest part is i would actually love a child but with my disabilities i couldnt look after a child at all. Not now and maybe not ever. I cant even look after myself most the time. But ohwell. Thanks for ur support. I will just have to wait and see.

[Anonymous]

Definite entrapment, lack of respect and quite concerning…..very manipulative and with your disabilities he is obviously aware of, not okay. Just not. My one and only pregnancy happened as a way of making me stay in a marriage, so I get you. He knew what he was doing, admitted it later. Didn’t work, I didn’t stay.

Horrible position he put you in here but he knew what he was doing and that’s the bad sticking point, isn’t it? He knew.

[Author]

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