20th June 2022 at 4:50 pm #145704
Hi guys. I hope your all doing ok.
I spent a fair few hours (detail removed by moderator) at the police station giving an official statement about our relationship and the incidents that have happened… I’ve got home after being with my sister all afternoon, and I can’t help but feel like all of this was a mistake. I feel like I’m being judged and like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.
I feel ridiculous for reporting it in the first place, guilty and like an awful person.
I don’t really know how I should feel today, or any day really. It’s all too much.
I’m not quite sure how to get past this part and on top of that, why do I miss him? Today of all days, after going over everything he’s done, why?
Thank you for listening xx
20th June 2022 at 7:58 pm #145711longjourneylifeParticipant
Oh it’s a horrible feeing. Been there. Got to give yourself time to process verbalising it all. It can take a bit for it to settle in your mind, but you’ve done the right thing. No one can judge you, even the Police, they take down both sides. It’s natural to get paranoid about what you’ve expressed, sadly the abusers have hard wired us to self blame! I think you’re amazing for speaking out and whatever happens, it can only be a good thing that you’ve been heard and revealed what you’ve been going through. What we miss I believe are the promises they made and our endless hope, wish all the wonderful things they said were true, but it’s just not real. It’s part of the mourning process, but you’ll get through it. Try not to focus on it too much, distract yourself and be kind to yourself. It will get better, know that . Hugs x
20th June 2022 at 10:19 pm #145725
It’s the worst feeling. Today/this evening has been horrible, that feeling in the pit of your stomach, it just won’t shift, but I guess I need to keep telling myself that it will take time.
I know you are absolutely right, but I guess my mind is just going to the worst places and playing tricks. It’s the not knowing what’s next that’s scary. The self blame is horrible and it takes over. The things you tell yourself or talk your self in or out of because you feel to blame is the worst. It’s exhausting.
Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that. I’m glad it’s done but it will take a while for me to understand the emotions that have followed.
I do miss those things, it’s confusing. It’s and endless cycle, I think of the things I miss and then to stop that, I think of the things he did.
One step at a time. Thank you so much for your kind words and help. I hope you are doing ok.
Be kind to yourself too and sending hugs right back xx
21st June 2022 at 12:10 am #145735SunsplashlassParticipant
I am going through exactly the same right now reported my ex and I’m in limbo waiting or them to take action.
I didn’t think what I been through was a big deal it was just normal I got used to it but when I start to read the forums literally every other post feels like I’ve written it myself. I am the opposite I think the years that I suffered because I never spoke about it 3 years, if it makes you feel scared anxious depressed angry confused then please share!
Every night I can’t sleep thinking what will happen did I mean to do this if the police nudge me and in the back of my head you may feel this as well I don’t want him to get in too much trouble I don’t know what I because he wouldn’t do the same for me which is called trauma bonding.
I’m so sorry I’ve had years not being able to talk and if you would like some support I’m going through the same right now pop me a message anytime I’m I am so pleased that I can help people because it’s so important to share.
21st June 2022 at 10:16 pm #145782
I am so sorry to hear you are going through his too. It’s a rough Ride huh?
I felt and still feel the same, second guessing and struggling to understand what has happened, it’s hard and confusing but reading things on here, I agree, you realise you aren’t alone and what has happened isn’t ok.
I am worried about what will happen to him and I spend time wondering if he is ok (no contact), it’s the not knowing that is hard. Trying to get used to the quiet I guess.
Looking up trauma bonding may help, I have spent some time doing this and its helped me, might be worth ago.
Of course, the same goes for you.
Please take care and thank you for your message.
20th June 2022 at 8:34 pm #145712ScarecrowParticipant
I completely second what longjourneylife said. Our abusers have wired our brains so that we instantly blame ourselves and second guess everything that we know.
Have you looked into trauma bonding? I still have a trauma bond with my ex – some days are worse than others.
You have taken a really important step, be proud of that. Allow yourself a few days to get your head around it, trust your gut and stay strong.
20th June 2022 at 10:22 pm #145726
Thank you so much for your reply. It really is a rollercoaster isn’t it?
I have and it’s a scary thing to feel and have. Some days most definitely are worse than others. Well done for staying strong!
It will take a minute to catch up I guess.
Thank you again. Hugs xx
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