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Hello. I’ve been together with my husband for a long time and married for (detail removed by moderator). It was good at the beginning but over the last (detail removed by moderator) he has been verbally aggressive, calling me vile names and having a go at me for everything I do. When I do things around the house it isn’t good enough, my parenting is supposedly rubbish and he criticises my career. He will stand over r me sometimes to make sure I’m doing things right.
He doesn’t work, receives support through benefits but refuses to contribute to our household bills or financially for our child. He keeps his own money to himself and expects me to cover everything else. When I raise the issue of helping me with the bills he gets upset, angry, slams doors, swears at me and tells me he wishes he could help but he can’t and I’m horrible for making him feel bad. He demands that I buy him things like a (detail removed by moderator) or small stuff like toiletries and get makes me feel guilty if I don’t do it. He does drink when he goes out with friends and can be aggressive verbally but has never hit me.
He does ask for sex often but I find I’m so stressed I’m seldom in the mood.
Is this abuse or just a bad relationship? Is this common? Has anyone else had any issues like this before? I don’t know what to think at the moment. I feel bad about myself, angry at him but also sorry for him.
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Hey it’s definitely abusive in many ways. He’s not your responsibility and feeling fear Obligation and Guilt is how an abuser keeps us in a relationship. If you ask yourself would you treat your partner the way he treats you? His behaviour is unacceptable. Verbally aggressive and calling you vile names is against the law for a start. Have you read Living with the Dominator. Or spoken to the national domestic abuse helpline? Contact your local women’s aid too. He drinks but won’t contribute to his own household or his child? Not acceptable and financial abuse. Talk to women’s aid. Sometimes abusive behaviour seem normal to us because it creeps up on us. If a friend described behaviour like this by her partner what would you tell her?
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