Is this financial abuse?

[Sungirl]

So things have been going well until the weekend. We saw my family and I didn’t realise he was quizzing them about various things. He has a big issue with my sister and always thinks my parents give them money.(detail removed by moderator) He said he wants me to ask my parents for a significant amount of money (detail removed by moderator). I said I’m uncomfortable with this, as it’s a crazy amount. Also my parents will worry as they know a bit about his behaviour. We both work and I can increase my hours, so we will have to tighten our belts but that’s what everyone is doing. If we were really struggling and needed help I would ask, and my parents would help. I suggested some other options. He says no, and keeps throwing around various threats, (detail removed by moderator) He then mocked me when I said I was a proud person. And then goes on about my sister and her partner. (detail removed by moderator) Arggh sometimes it’s so frustrating, but the whole thing just makes me so upset and uncomfortable. He was so angry I could see and there is no way to reason with him.

[Lisa]

Hi Sungirl,

It’s not right that he’s putting so much pressure on you in this way. Using threats and mocking you to make you do what he wants is coercive and completely unacceptable. Reacting with intense anger because you won’t do what he wants is him trying to scare you into getting the money. It’s financial abuse because he’s using coercive tactics to access money through you. It feels similar in nature to coerced debt (a well recognised form of financial abuse), where the abuser pressures their partner into taking out a loan in their name for the abuser to use.

Surviving Economic Abuse is a great resource for support and information about this kind of domestic abuse.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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