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so after an augment (detail removed by moderator), about nothing in particular, we ‘spoke’ over email which result in me telling him what he is doing. his response is basically im making him out to be the bad guy and its over.
he will move his stuff out of the bedroom and sleep in the front room.
I don’t know how I feel. relived? scared? for what lays ahead, being a single mum to multiple kids, for what he will do and what he will say once he has calmed down and try to work things out.
after reading stories on here I think I know what to say. I hope I can be strong and stand my ground.
I will keep myself and kids safe, I will make sure I have my phone with me at all times.
just feeling light headed and like im going to faint. at work and just want to cry. tears of sadness or happiness I don’t know.
its the start of the school holidays and we are meant to be going on holiday as a family soon, and no idea how this is going to work.
its going to be a long road.
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Don’t believe a word he says. My ex used to play this game. They threaten and push us, fishing to see how much under their control we still are. Don’t be surprised because you haven’t begged him for another chance that he ups his game. If he was serious and the relationship was over he would move out. But no, he’s hanging around to continue his controlling behaviour which will escalate as he sees you slipping away. He knows there is a holiday planned. So he has chosen this time because he knows he has a way out of this by using the family holiday. You need to get him out the house or you need to move out with the kids. Maybe a refuge until things settle. This is the most dangerous time and I can tell you it was only a matter of weeks when I would not back down before his violence got me badly hurt and him arrested. They simply cannot control themselves. In the meantime he will use the children against you. He will get in there first with his lies and dysfunction. They are so scared to lose the upper hand and have no thought as to how the children will suffer. Having been where you are my advice is not to stand your ground as this will result in him hurting you. Play the game in the short term and behind his back get somewhere sorted for you and the kids.
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His had his talk, saying everything I know he would. His sorry, he doesn’t know why his angry. He will try to be bettee
And I’m just sitting there thinking whatever same thing different day.
He is trying to make things better, but I think to much has happen. I’m waiting for th WA to phone back to make plans. He won’t leave.
Need to stay strong.
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When my ex used to want to make things better, he meant for himself. I used to believe him that it was for us as a family. I was so wrong.
I clocked his behaviour years ago. His behaviour has deteriorated and finally, eventually on the advice of the police he has moved out. It was a long time coming.
Every situation is different with lots of things in common. It’s an adventure. A massive leap into the great unknown. It’s not a jump anyone would take by choice. I take great comfort (on a good day) that I am not alone, that there are fellow travellers, and ultimately survivors. There are so many wonderful people out there to help us on our way.
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Just wanted to add a few words support. Yes, ladies on are right. As they so often are.
Yes it is a big life-changing leap. And as maddog says, an adventure. And of course as maddog says not a jump anyone would take by choice. I too take great comfort from being on here, so often in the ‘outside’ world I’ve shared the journey with someone and felt alienated by their jaws dropping – when I even tried to…on here I find others have experienced the same and makes me feel a lot less like an alien….thanks xxxx -
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Thank you.
I have read about the circle of abuse and it was an eye opener.
he’s acting like nothing has happened. He slept in a different room last night, we shall see what room he sleeps in tonight. If he comes to bed I want to be strong enough to go downstairs.
Just got to look to the future and plan, plan as much as I can.
a lot of truths came out during the argument, (me telling him).
I can’t look at him, don’t want to be in the same room as him.
Got to act happy, and act normal. -
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If you go downstairs I think he will just follow you. My ex used to do,this and trap me in rooms so be very careful that it doesn’t escalate and if it does then ring the police. Keep your mobile phone on you at all times and keep it charged. I had 999 on speed dial as my hands would shake so badly and my mind would go blank. He wants you to react so that’s his excuse to continue the abuse. Although they just move the goal posts anyway x
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Keep yourself safe.
My partner would never allow me to sleep anywhere other than next to him, if I was allowed to sleep at all that is. One of his first acts of violence towards me was to throw the couch I was trying to sleep in across the room until it crashed into the tv unit. Afterwards, he claimed he was “just trying to get past” Just the start of escalating violence im afraid.
It took him a while to fully grasp that I really had had enough, and when he did he was terrifying and attacked me in a way he couldn’t explain away. So he simply denied it had happened.
Stay safe. -
Ahh, his being nice!! Want to scream!
His made dinner for me and kids, feed the youngest. Made bottles. I was able to go out without the youngest with me.Just want it to be over. Just want to be free. Nothing I can do until after the holiday.
Just biting my tougne, but keeping up with not sleeping in the same bed.
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