13th February 2020 at 1:17 pm #97608Blue20Participant
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly (removed by moderator) years. We have just moved into our first house together which I should feel so happy about but for some reason I feel l have made the worst mistake of my life.
Throughout the (removed by moderator) years i have been through a lot of emotional hell and back with him and sometimes when I reflect I think I am being so overreactive and stupid and it’s me that causes him so much stress and anxiety.
Moving into the new house I feel very home sickdue to the fact I have this on going feeling of being on egg shells with him so I regularly go to my mums house. He makes me feel guilty for going all the time ‘can you not live on your own’
He shows me up in front of my family he isn’t afraid to be little me and call me out in front of them and in public.
Buying this house I feel like I am tied to him and anything he does or says he knows I won’t leave even though I have told him so many times he needs to cool his temper and stop being so argumentative or I am leaving. At times he makes me feel guilty for spending my own money. He bought me a kitten and now he uses the kitten as this commitment that I won’t leave because we now have him.
I had a (removed by moderator) a few years ago (removed by moderator). I was very shaken up and was offered counselling. I would often talk about my relationship to her. He would often pick me up after the sessions and say snide comments like ‘talking about me again?’
From the (removed by moderator) I avoid driving, I make excuses and do anything I can to avoid driving. He makes me feel guilty and that I depend on him too much. He says how I fake this fear and that I do it because I’m lazy. If he does end up taking me places it’s made out that I have to make it up to him in some way. I am scared to ask him to take me places because he shouts at me and makes issues out of it which leads to another argument and his mood just flips.
He makes personal off comments to me telling me how rubbish my life is and that I have failed in life. That my degree is rubbish. I have nothing going for me.
The thought when people bring up marriage and children makes me angry when I think about it I don’t want it to happen and it worries me if I was to have children with him how isolated I would feel even more.
His moods just dip up and down and he’s constantly in a mood and when he can he finds a way to turn everything on me in any situation and brings up my faults to degrade me. He’s become very aggressive more over the last two years I have noticed he hits his steering wheel and slams doors, punches walls. Throws my belongings around.
He makes me feel guilty for going to the gym all the time when really this is my space I need to get away and when I feel I don’t have the energy to go he makes me feel bad for not going.
When I have gone back to him after an argument he’s nice for a few hours maybe do something nice for me then he’s back to being how he was. He says he struggles with anxiety and then uses this as an excuse for his actions but will then turn it on me and make out I’m the reason.
I always think to myself as much as I try to avoid these arguments and getting in his way I always seem to be smack bang in them middle of them.
I just really need some advice because I feel lost and alone and I don’t know if I am just being far too sensitive and overreacting and this is normal for any relationship?
13th February 2020 at 2:52 pm #97610self loveParticipant
These men leave us confused, doubting ourselves.
It’s him not a nice person to be with have children around.
Leave now before you become too ill to.
Work out a plan get advice, citizens advice are free, they can help you.
Please love yourself more then him.
I know your worth so much more then this.
A good relationship where he boosts your confidence not knocks it.
It’s hard but you can, don’t tell him you’re leaving until advice is sought.
You might have to get a nice home for the kitten, because to get back at you he could kick it etc
Get another when you’ve got yourself sorted you need to protect your mind and the kitten for now.
Please don’t listen to his controller tactics, meant to keep you low and stuck. Hold your head high, build up a list of things you’d like to achieve. Things that’ll make you happy.
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