Is this part of the cycle?

[Runningaway]

Hi all
Thank you for reading my post the other day and your lovely comments. Sorry to write again I’m just not sure what to do – I finished things with my partner A (detail removed by moderator). He won’t accept it at all and is messaging me every day saying I miss
You and how am I etc. I feel so guilty for finishing things I reply nothing major I try not to engage in conversation. I know I probably should block him or change my number but I feel terrible about doing that as know he is lonely and upset. I just want to be left alone to get in with my life but he is. Is not letting me! Has anyone else dealt with this and how did they? Thank you for reading xx

[KIP.]

He’s hoping you feel guilty as that’s how he’s probably controlled you throughout the relationship. When someone ends the relationship the other person usually seeks solace from friends and family. By involving you in his emotional blackmail it’s simply more coercive controlling behaviour from him. I know it’s hard when you’ve been abused to block and report because we are good people and don’t like hurting others. A god trait that he will exploit. He’s not your responsibility. I’d send him a final message saying that things are over and that you do not wish him to contact you any further and that if he continues to do so you will have to report his behaviour to the police. After that you do not reply to anything he sends. You simply contact the police and show them the messages. By continuing contact now all you’re doing is giving him time to manipulate the situation further and to his own ends. My ex was doing similar while seeing another woman behind my back and going on holiday with her while still trying to hook me back in with his lies. Abusers are liars. Time to put yourself first x

[Eggshells]

Hi Runningaway,

I asked my ex 4 times to stop contacting me but he didn’t take any notice.

I took swift and decisive action. I blocked him from everything and changed my email address.

It is a bit of a nuisance because you have to contact everyone who has your email address, banks, utility providers etc but for me, it was an afternoon well spent.

Unfortunately, the only way to stop this is to go completely no contact.

[MollyPolly]

HI,

I think it is like KIP said. It is just to control you, get you into a guilt trip to hell so you would be back, but then there is a high chance it all could go much worse.

I just moved out too, with our (detail removed by moderator). He got kiddo for a night (detail removed by moderator). You know what he did – little one got upset in the evening that I am not there. He RECORDED the cry after me, with him whispering (detail removed by moderator) and all that c**p and send over to me with text “how you could do this to our family”!!!!

I left as I could bear with him telling to me how useless I am or how unattractive I am etc. I wanted to be strong and do my driving licence first and buy a car to be independent etc. The moment he start saying to our kiddo that I am aggressive, controlling and will hurt our kiddo, I was like “nope, not doing this any more” and moved out within 2 months! I was petrified I won’t manage financially and I am still worried about it, but I just could not do this any longer. It was damaging for love of my life – the kiddo!

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, he is just trying to win you round by making you feel guilty, I no its difficult but please block him on everything and do not respond to anything, even if he tries to contact you by any means. I certainly don’t want to scare you but I have been told and found out that once you leave they can change and things can escalate. Build support for yourself with friends family colleagues and reach out to womans aid as they are a great support. I was also recommended to read up on types of abuse etc as education is power for us. Keep a journal of all things, and keep the messages in case you need them in future, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Most importantly Look after yourself, and try not to think of him (that’s easier said than done) but you must remind yourself of the reasons you left in the first place. These men don’t change for the better. Take care x

[Author]

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