Is this sexual abuse?

[Lovecoffee]

We went on holiday a few months ago (detail removed by Moderator).

When we were there one night we had a few drinks with some of my family (he had a lot more drinks then me).

I went to bed before him that night and I woke up to him trying to pull down my underwear and he had his underwear already down and he was trying to have sex with me.

I told him no and pushed him away and then he stopped trying. I’m not sure what would have happened if I didn’t wake up.

Is this abuse?

[Sci-figirl]

I would say that it is. How can you consent if you are asleep? And sex should always be consensual. The way i see it, if it made you feel in any way violated, then it’s wrong xx

[Lisa]

Dear Lovecoffee,

As Sci-figirl says, you are not able to give consent if you are asleep. Without consent, any kind of sexual activity is sexual violence. There is a useful page about consent on the Rape Crisis website here. You can access support there too. I’m glad you’ve felt able to post to discuss this.

Look after yourself,

Lisa

[Mellow]

I was in a relationship before this one and it happened to me a lot I started to feel violated the more often it happened and if you say no too my partner at the time also when I said no carried on and told me to wait thinking back now yes it’s sexual abuse I didn’t know much about abuse then but looking back now it is sexual abuse they have no right to do that I think you should talk to him about it but he will probably deny it and these are hard to prove especially when you don’t leave the relationship

[Mellow]

I was in a relationship before this one and it happened to me a lot I started to feel violated the more often it happened and if you say no too my partner at the time also when I said no carried on and told me to wait thinking back now yes it’s sexual abuse I didn’t know much about abuse then but looking back now it is sexual abuse they have no right to do that I think you should talk to him about it but he will probably deny it and these are hard to prove especially when you don’t leave the relationship they also think because your in a relationship they think it’s ok

[KIP.]

Take a look at Thames Valley video “a cup of tea”. A simple explanation about consent and there is also the rape crisis helpline which is great to talk to someone who knows x

[KIP.]

Thames Valley Police Video

[Author]

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