Is time enough of a healer or do you need specific counselling?

[Hopingforpeace]

Hi, do you think that over the years you can manage and recover from the abuse you suffered or do you think you need specific counselling to deal with how it made you feel, how it has affected your long term deepest thoughts and feelings and how you see things? I’ve had counselling but more generic counselling to deal with having to see my ex and communicate with him for purpose of child contact. I used to be frightened to be anywhere near my ex and it used to trigger me and I’d have lots of flashbacks but I wasnt after the counselling. I only get frightened now when he shows signs of aggression. Then for a long time after my counselling I didn’t have flashbacks til recently when certain things on tv have triggered them. I can cope with the flashbacks and stop them but it’s the feelings that are surfacing as a result, the feelings that now won’t fully go away. I tried to explain this to a friend but they don’t seem to understand. They don’t understand why the strategies I have to deal with flashbacks no longer seem to work. I feel like now that it’s me and I should be ok now. But these feelings didn’t arise as much before and I’ve realised something I hadn’t before and it’s affecting me. I asked my friend if I could talk to her, not about the details as such but about how I was feeling but she doesn’t understand why I’d want to or need to do that now. I now feel like I should have dealt with it all by now . I don’t think she meant me to feel like that , I think she just doesn’t understand. I don’t fully but I do know that I’ve never openly talked about my deepest feelings about what I went through. I just wanted to talk to her til I could reach a professional on a helpline and was able to talk to them. I find it so hard to talk on a helpline but she didn’t understand why that would be harder than talking to her. But she’s the first person I’ve truly trusted in a long time who doesn’t judge. Just confused at the moment. I thought I had dealt with most of what I’d been through but maybe I haven’t.

[freedomtochoose]

Hello there,
I could have kind of written this myself.
I think the main problem is (after my expriences and what I have learned so far about flashbacks, triggers etc) is that – many people don’t have the necessary empathy (or expertise) to know or even fathom what we are experiencing.

This is the most difficult bit in my experience, as talking to a good friend, we would so much want them to understand, but sadly many don’t.

Time and time and time is important.
hope this helps a bit. Keep posting
all best
ftc
x

[fizzylem]

Hey, sounds like you need someone to talk to to work through something. It’s never a one course fixes all with counselling, as we move forwards we all need a bit of help from others now again, whether you’ve been abused or not, learning when to recognise when it is one of those times is important. You’ve reached out and that is great, but maybe now you need to work out who it is that can actually give you what it is you need.

Its also been my experience that unless a person has experienced abuse him or herself, most people just don’t get it, probably something to do with always assuming good will in others, that we’re all equally responsible when a relationship breaks down, the past is the past, pretty common false assumptions like these.

For me, healing comes from the process of self awareness, it heals and arms us, unless you are fully enlightened, which most of us are not, then there is always more self awareness to discover – your feelings need expressing while another is present for you, so you can workout why you feel the way you do and if there’s anything you need to do so that inner peace can be restored x

[Hopingforpeace]

Ive been trying to call rape crisis but cant get through. I called a local rape and sexual assault helpline to me and managed to speak to someone but it hasn’t really helped. They didnt say much. It helped to be able to say what I needed to but I feel more upset now :o(

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