4th August 2022 at 11:12 pm #148050ShazzaParticipant
Hello lovely ladies, I do hope you are all OK today.
I’m feeling really isolated at the moment. I feel like I cant/shouldnt/don’t want to talk to anyone anymore about the abuse and the ongoing issues I’m having with my ex.
I feel like I have completely withdrawn into myself and can’t seem to shake it off.
My mum doesn’t understand at all. I’ve tried so many times talking to her but she just doesn’t seem to grasp what’s happened and I come away feeling worse than I did before I spoke to her. She tells me I’m doing things wrong all the time when dealing with my ex, she shows feelings of concern towards him rather than towards me. To be fair to her she doesnt know all that he has done. She does know that he was emotionally abusive and controlling and that he’s an alcoholic, but I’ve not told her the rest as to be honest I dont trust her and dont feel it would help me in anyway for her to know. We’ve never had a great relationship in terms of emotional support- I’m there to give her support but it’s never reciprocated, though to be fair to her she does practically support me so I shouldnt complain.
I feel so so alone. People around me told me I wouldn’t be on my own if I left. But as time creeps on it appears to me more than ever that my ex is right when he says that I am in fact alone.
Friends say talk to them but then when I do they suggest I talk to other people such as my mum etc and dont seem to understand that I dont have that kind of relationship with her. I then feel that they are shutting me down and so I close myself off.
I speak to a therapist once a week but it’s not enough to get me through.
I work things through by talking things through and probably go on far too much and more than I should.
I’m trying to write my thoughts down now and incidents that occur rather than bug other people.
And I now feel like I can’t open back up, like ive closed the hatches and won’t be able to talk to anyone about what’s going on anymore. I feel completely withdrawn into myself and actually sense that maybe people are relieved about that.
I apologise that I am sounding self-pitying. I’m just so lonely and there is so much going on at the moment and I have no one to talk to anymore 😪
He’s making my life hell at the moment with regards to our child and I’m just not coping well at all at the moment.
He had asked me to have her one of his days but then changed his mind. Our child got very upset as she was pleased to be staying with me but said that she didn’t want to upset her daddy or make him feel sad. I basically told her she didn’t have to go and she stayed with me and I offered her lots of reassurance and acknowledged how she felt whilst also explaining that she isnt responsible for how her daddy feels.
He’s obviously very unhappy with me about this and it has not been a fun week.
I feel like the worst parent ever that she was so upset about this and that she was so concerned and upset about his feelings.
He sees no problem whatsoever with this but it seems so wrong to me that she should even be worrying about that at such a young age.
I am berating myself for failing her somewhere along the way, whilst having him berate me for all the things I’m doing to try and protect her.
It’s been a week from hell and I wish I could escape it all. In such need of some love and support right now x
4th August 2022 at 11:35 pm #148053BananaboatParticipant
Sending you a massive virtual hug. It’s definitely lonely at times but not because you’re not worth it and all the other nasty reasons thrown at you, more because you haven’t found ‘your people’ yet.
Your mum is adding to your woes right now which isn’t helping. With your daughter you sound like you’ve done exactly the right thing by talking to her and explaining what she isn’t responsible for. You should be super proud she’s told you her feelings, that shows your bond and a good mum.x
7th August 2022 at 8:50 pm #148162ShazzaParticipant
Thank you bananaboat, I appreciate the virtual hug 😊
You are right about my mum adding to my woes,she rarely takes my side and tells me I’m handling things wrong which doesn’t help.
I am glad my daughter spoke to me, I just feel such guilt that she felt that way, though I guess the guilt needs to be placed at his door x
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