Isolation at home lonely and stressed

[UkGamer]

I feel so lonely my hb works full he expects me to stay at home cook clean and do all the childcare as well as pay my side of the bills/all the childcare household items and part of the bills as well as food drinks for him… Iv told him i wont to go back to work what in the end said ok but he’s making it more and more difficult to i would still need to do school drop offs and pick up so means really i can only do 9.30am to 2pm as ill need to get to work as well as get home ready to pick up as i don’t drive also be free to do the childcare in half terms holidays inset days etc iv looked online and no one wonts someone at them hours its more like 30h per week..I don’t get a life for myself and feel rather isolated and lonely he doesn’t like going out anywhere and would rather stay in i mean ok he’s been at work all week (5 days) but because i have no money as he gives me very little i can’t afford to go out so looking at 4 walls 5 days a week so would be nice to go out as a family at weekend but he’s so tight with money he never wont to just complains it costs too much so end up staying in looking at 4 walls 7 days a week what now is really starting to effect my mental health.. Would love to hear your forts and any suggestions

[Shazza]

Hi UKGamer,

This sounds like very controlling behaviour on his part. Have you reached out to your local womens aid for some support?
Have you thought about what type of work you would like to do if you could? Take baby steps. Start by thinking what you would actually enjoy doing, then you will have an idea of what to work towards.
It sounds like you are very isolated at the moment. Do you enjoy walking? Could you and the kids possibly do some free activities to get you out of the house? Is this something that your husband would hold against you if you did?
If he is stopping you from seeing other people and building relationships I think it would be a good idea to look into talking with womens qid if you haven’t already.
Hope you are doing OK today x

[Eggshells]

Hi UKGamer

This sounds very lonely for you. We all need stimulating environments and that includes your children. It is really hard when your partner is keeping you so short of money. This is financial abuse and it’s designed to control you and your children.

Schools are often looking for dinner ladies so it might be worth checking in with a few local schools including your children’s school. It’s not great money but it will bring in a little and it fits around childcare. A classroom TA could be another option for you.

These are both jobs that will get you out of the house and meeting people.

Most places also have free weekend and holiday activities for children. It’s worth a Google (Free children’s activities near me).

Local parks, animal rescue centres and pet shops, especially those with tropical fish, can be firm favourites with kids.

Geocaching can also be fun but you’ll need to download a good GPS for walking. There are free caches so you don’t have to have a paid subscription.

Outdoor chalks are available from places like The Works and they last for ages. You can use them for decorating a pavement or walls or for making and following a trail. Let your kids get you thoroughly lost. They can leave chalk marks to help find your way back. If you really do get genuinely lost you can use Google maps to find your way home. The chalk will wash away when it rains split shouldn’t upset the locals.

If you have a green space with trees nearby you can collect all sorts of things depending on the time of year. E.g acorns, stones, leaves, feathers and pine cones; then do something crafty with them when you get home.

Just a few ideas to get you out of the house. He can stay and mooch all weekend if he wants to but these are just some cheap or free activities that you don’t need him for. xx

[nbumblebee]

When my kids were little this was me. There were weeks when i didnt leave the house at all.
If your kids are small then maybe try a mums club? Google them in your local area I went to a church one although im not religious it was a nice way to talk to other adults. If they are school ages can you chat to other mums at the school gate? You have to be brave its takes alot but its worth it. Volunteer when your kids are at school i know it wont help with money but it will help with your confidence. I started volunteering in covid i still do now but i also have a paid job with them, they put me through college and have changed my life all started with one hour a week.
My husband doesnt know even now just how much they have done for me hes at work all day so doesnt know and he doesnt ever ask.
Getting out also helps exercise fresh air really does make you feel better and your kids will enjoy it too, local parks, walks, streams just outside and free.
Lonliness can be crippling but the only way to beat it is to be brave reach out put yourself out there smile at someone say hi, start a conversation, hey you never know you could be sitting next to someone who is just as lonley as you. X*x

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