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    • #131215
      Spiderweb
      Participant

      He started again being violent and abusive after (detail removed by moderator) of “peace”….. I stupidly hoped that we can work it out but no…. I had enough (detail removed by moderator) after an evening of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I am ready to make the next step now but my kids are in school and I escaped the house and am sitting in my car parked blocks away and trying to reach Women’s Aid helpline. Please pray for me ladies so that I can get help and get him out of the house today.

    • #131217
      iliketea
      Participant

      I’m so sorry to read this but well done for making the decision. Make sure you’re safe. Have you reported to the police or are you waiting for advice from womens aid? I hope you are ok. Have you reached out to school? They were really helpful when I left. Sending love and strength. xx

      • #131226
        Spiderweb
        Participant

        Hi Iliketea,

        I have spoken to Womens Aid and also with (detail removed by moderator) refuge centre. WA have logged everything and will refer me to social worker. Refuge advised to involve police and I had messaged him saying(detail removed by moderator). I am still out of the house at the moment.

    • #131224
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Spiderweb

      I am really sorry to hear about your situation, it took so much courage to leave. Iliketea has given really supportive advice.

      I hope you have managed to get through to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline or the Women’s Aid online chat https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/ You mentioned removing him from the house, there is a service called DV Assist https://www.dvassist.org.uk/ who could let you know if it’s possible to get an occupation order. There is also the option of going into a refuge, or speaking to the Police for help.

      Please let us know how you are when you can,

      Lisa

      • #131227
        Spiderweb
        Participant

        Hi Lisa,

        Thank you for your response, I will call police as a last resort if he doesn’t leave today by himself. Thank you all for your support and advice.

    • #131230
      KIP.
      Participant

      Please ring the police and report the assault now. He’s going nowhere. In fact he could ring the police first and blame you. Do not underestimate him.

    • #131257
      Spiderweb
      Participant

      Hi ladies,
      Just an update- he assaulted me and I rang the police. He got arrested and will go to court (detail removed by moderator) as I made a statement. My landlord changed the locks on the door and I hope he won’t be allowed to see or contact me or kids for some time. Police will arrange all necessary help and support for me and kids. We are safe finally now!
      Thank you all for your prayers and support xx

    • #131258
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      So glad you’re safe and well done for taking the first step. Police will likely refer or give you contact details for Ncdv who can help you obtain a non molestation and possibly occupation order. Be kind to yourself , , there’s a stormy road ahead but a brighter future xx

      • #131268
        Spiderweb
        Participant

        Hi Bettertimesahead

        Thank you and although me and kids are safe now, I worry for the future but hopeful that with all support of the services I can start to slowly rebuild my life x*x

    • #131289
      WhiskyRose
      Participant

      Well done for taking the step to protect yourself and your kids! Honestly it’s so courageous and I wish you all the luck and positivity in the world x

    • #131318
      Spiderweb
      Participant

      Hi ladies

      Another update …. He had been (detail removed by moderator) and broke his bail conditions by coming to see me… I was terrified and although he was apologetic and asking for another chance, I went to police again. He ran off as soon as he saw I am speaking to police. Officers came with me to the house to arrest him again if he shows up. He used our son and sent him messages asking for me to speak with him and give him another chance, he played on my son’s emotions to the point that my son was in hysterics. He was arrested again as he came to the house…. I was assured he will be in custody now at least till (detail removed by moderator).
      I am trying to stay strong ladies.. Please send me your prayers x*x

    • #131319
      Sunshines
      Participant

      Big step well done ! You can do this xx

    • #131320
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi, just sending you some strength. I went through similar and yes he used our son too. Get the kids added to the bail conditions or look into a non molestation order including the kids which prevents contact. I too had to keep ringing the police. Contact your local women’s aid for support. They will have lots of information for you and we’re a great support to me. It’s exhausting dealing with an abuser but he’s showing you that you absolutely did the right thing. Well done for changing the locks. I did this too. Change your mobile number and make sure he’s blocked on all social media. Same for the kids at least in the meantime. It will give you a level of security and change the phone numbers and contact details of kids too depending on age etc. He’s dangerous and a huge red flag for further violence is when these men ignore the police and the law. Keep your phone fully charge and on you at all times. Have a room ready you can block or lock yourself in until the police arrive. It does get easier and well done for contacting the police. Be prepared next for him to accuse you of all sorts to the police. Make sure you’re eating and drinking. Force it down if you have to. That was my mistake. It made me weak and didn’t help with my energy or concentration. Thinking of you x

      • #131322
        Spiderweb
        Participant

        Thank you for advice xx Kids are already on bail conditions and I have a support worker from WA assigned to me who is in contact.
        I am not doing well with eating though …
        My heart is absolutely breaking for my son and I don’t know how I can help him now. I have been told that my case will be heard by MARAC shortly as well.
        Just hope he will not try to contact us again after yesterday’s events and will follow bail conditions….

    • #131324
      KIP.
      Participant

      Just be there for him. Reassuring him that none of this is his fault. That you will all get through this and that his father chooses to behave this way and sadly there are consequences. That involving him and using him to hurt you is not acceptable. In a way you’re leading by example. Children from abusive homes are far more likely to be abused or become abusers in adult life. So you’re stopping that cycle, take all the help offered. Limit yourself to what you do daily, I had to go back to three things a day until I felt better. You will get through this and whatever your ex does from now on is his own responsibility. You just need to concentrate on keeping yourself and the kids safe x power to you. Abused women are the strongest in the planet, we need to be strong to survive so use that strength now. We are called survivors for a reason x thinking of you from the other side of abuse and there is a good positive life for you x

    • #131592
      Spiderweb
      Participant

      Hi ladies,

      Had a call from police earlier today and he has pleaded not guilty to all charges…. There is another court date set for (detail removed by moderator)… I am worried now that he will be released on bail and I am sure he will try to get to me 🙁
      Can’t sleep now with all worries and thoughts going through my head …. 🙁

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