It is abuse, isn’t it?

[Cornflake]

My husband likes to create unpleasant atmospheres, he has no boundaries. This afternoon he decided he was so cold that he wanted to put the heating on, innocently I said it wasn’t cold enough and suggested he put something warmer on. His response was to accuse me of being selfish, ‘as long as I’m alright’, he then made a very demonstrative walk to get another jumper on, pulled up the hood on his jacket and sat there with his head covered. This is all in front of our two adult sons, whose lives have been totally blighted by our miserable existence. A ‘normal’ person surely wouldn’t respond the way he did, would they? I know what’s coming next, he’ll be sulky and moody with everyone for as long as he desires and probably make snide comments along the way. He totally controls the mood in this house. Sorry, I just needed to vent, I don’t expect anyone to have the answer but I’m sure others will relate to this. Thanks for listening.

[nbumblebee]

Yep I can relate.
My counsellor says its like having another child thwy cant get what they want so they sulk thwy become nasty and will make everyone feel bad just because they can.
Dont rise to it. Ignore him as you would a child. It takes alot but its the best way i find to deal with them. Stay calm dont give them the pleasure of seeing it upsets you as thats what they want. Its horrible I know and drives you crazy but we cant react or show them anything.
Sending hugs stay safe xx

[Mashed]

I hear you, this is such a familiar scenario. Mine is always playing the victim. I would also agree with the other response here, definitely best to let it wash over you if you can, don’t let him see he’s having an impact. (detail removed by moderator) this technique is called Grey Rocking and overall is much the best way to go, it can severely test your patience though.
Take care x

[StrongLife]

Understand this – the ex used to call me selfish over anything and everything. Go on and on when in fact I’m a giving nice person. Then he would get angry, cut across my sentences, making it hard to speak.

I agree with “another child” in the house sentiment.

[Author]

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