It just goes on

[Everhopeful321]

Sorry, nothing really to say I just feel so tired weary and sad. I can’t see a way out, I constantly just tell myself it’s not that bad, make the best of it but I just feel drained. It’s that feeling that you just don’t matter, I’m here but I’m not here to be me, just to be here doing everything that’s expected?

[nbumblebee]

Yeah i hear you totally.
Stop telling yourself its not that bad because it is its utterly b****y s**t.

But sweetie you do matter you matter to me to us here you matter to your family friends collegues you matter to yourself.
Its him that doesnt matter not you he has the problem not you he should feel bad and alone and useless not you. This is his to carry not yours.
You are incredable and that you, that person who you used to be or who you wanna be is in there deep down inside she is in there she just needs to find her way out and she will. You gotta keep believing in yourself keep trying to reach out trust yourself and trust others to help you through.
There is a way many women have found it and you can too.
I believe in you sweetie.
You gotta believe too.

Sending much love n hugs xxxx

[Everhopeful321]

Thank you, I hope we find a way one day x

[Sad and alone]

You’re not alone. I feel like this too. Like you can just keep pushing on with the way things are, keep trying to please all the time which is pointless as there will always be something for them to find fault with.
It is tiring living on an edge all the time, but know you absolutely do matter. Do you have family and friends? Guaranteed you will matter to them. And if like me you don’t really have much of either remember you matter to people here – contributing here in any way is so helpful to us all.

[Everhopeful321]

The trying to please is exhausting isn’t it, and those moments where you feel a little bit of sense of achievement that is then just taken from you is horrible. I hope you find a way x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Everhopeful321

Please don’t feel you need to apologise here for speaking up about how you feel, and its not nothing, you say a lot in your words.

This bit here:

I just feel so tired weary and sad. I can’t see a way out, I constantly just tell myself it’s not that bad

you see that you are telling yourself both the harmful impact it is having on you, and the messages of your inner voice judging how irrelevant, or minimal that suffering is?

The experience that you feel through your bodily, and emotional feedback is very real, the inner voice you have comes from a different place. The way you speak to yourself about your lived experiences is a voice thats been trained to play down your sufferings and hurts, the learnings that the voice is repeating are from external unconscious and sometimes very conscious messages, like being told by him that you are ‘over-sensitive’, and many other slanders, like over-reacting, being dramatic, drama queen, being frail and unable to cope. Many of those words could be very triggering words for many of us, but thats all they are triggering words, we have been told them through whatever means until we hold them for ourselves and then tell ourselves this. Its a habit to undo in efforts to be kind to ourselves and recognise our suffering, then to help ourselves as best we can, with the help of others, like here, or distracting, or whatever helps! 😀

Every time something erodes away at your strength, try to find that way that cements back that piece of you, whether its catching yourself hearing your inner messages that you are saying to yourself and replacing them with kinder words you would so easily offer to someone else, or in showing yourself patience and kindness in physical ways, and putting in boundaries so you can have some peace for yourself too.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

I just tried to edit my post ^ but something went wrong, so posting it again here with the edited bit highlighted in italics

Hi Everhopeful321

Please don’t feel you need to apologise here for speaking up about how you feel, and its not nothing, you say a lot in your words.

This bit here:

I just feel so tired weary and sad. I can’t see a way out, I constantly just tell myself it’s not that bad

you see that you are very aware of the harmful impact your experience is having on you, but, at the same time telling yourself conflicting messages from your inner voice judging how irrelevant, or minimal that suffering is?

The experience that you feel through your bodily, and emotional feedback is very real, but the inner voice you have comes from a different place. The way you speak to yourself about your lived experiences is a voice thats been trained to play down your sufferings and hurts, the learnings that the voice is repeating are from external unconscious and sometimes very conscious messages, like being told by him that you are ‘over-sensitive’, and many other slanders, like over-reacting, being dramatic, drama queen, being frail and unable to cope. Many of those words could be very triggering words for many of us, but thats all they are triggering words, we have been told them through whatever means until we hold them for ourselves and then tell ourselves this. Its a habit to undo in efforts to be kind to ourselves and recognise our suffering, then to help ourselves as best we can, with the help of others, like here, or distracting, or whatever helps! 😀

Every time something erodes away at your strength, try to find that way that cements back that piece of you, whether its catching yourself hearing your inner messages that you are saying to yourself and replacing them with kinder words you would so easily offer to someone else, or in showing yourself patience and kindness in physical ways, and putting in boundaries so you can have some peace for yourself too.

warmest wishes

ts

[Everhopeful321]

You word it well – I’m not kind to myself, I know I’m not, when I’ve got something wrong I can hear myself telling myself what an idiot I am, why did I say/do/not do/not say xyz, I probably speak to myself worse these days than he does, I nearly do it for him which is madness. But I suppose it’s years of putting him at the top of everything, his needs first and to start to think of me seems selfish. It’s not selfish to think of what my children need to see hear and feel though is it, and in order for me to make that right, I need to feel right. It’s how I go about doing that though, and you’re right in that it’s that inner voice. Thank you, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

[shygirl198]

I could have written and did write this exact same type of thing to my closest friend about my last relationship so many times over the years. I kept telling myself that it could be worse and the grass isn’t always greener, make the most of what you have. It worked at times but it never actually takes that underlying feeling away does it and you’re just convincing yourself to push those feelings down and ignore them.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out.

[Author]

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