It seems never ending

[Hummingbird3]

Its been quite a recent break up, children involved.
My ex left me for my best friend, after cheating on me. I wish in a way they were together now, because I feel it would be painful, but worth it.
He assaulted my (detail removed by Moderator), in front of me whilst I was (detail removed by Moderator) weeks pregnant, and was ordered to stay away from me in his bail conditions.
Whilst I had this time away, my health visitor put me forward to womens aid. I realised that the relationship was abusive (at times, I still can’t believe it).
Had our son and not even fresh from birth I was (detail removed by Moderator) due to his aggressive outburst and me being vulnerable with 2 children.
(detail removed by Moderator)
Since then a lot of safeguarding concerns, in regards to the children, and stated that I wanted him to have contact only through a contact centre. He refused but typically, would keep asking.
Still hasn’t met his son. Has breached (detail removed by Moderator) and stopped the sale of the house twice.
He came to see what belongings he wanted from the house, thinking I was there. Got a third party to be there with instructions. He flipped out and started banging and crashing around the house. Refused to leave at the agreed time (which is another breach) and when the third party left the house, put the key back in the lock box, he walked back to the house, swore at the ring door bell and then attempted to get into the lock box to get the key before being aggressive and hitting out at the lock box.
Now its a back and forth about the items in the house, and I’m just exhausted. I now have dates for (detail removed by Moderator) but along with being a single mum to two under (detail removed by Moderator), getting the house ready to sell its just getting to me.

It seems I’m either in a state of fight or flight, or having night sweats, horrendous nightmares, exhaustion and emotional.
It just feels like groundhog day!

[Watersprite]

Hello – this is such a tough and draining time for you. These processes are a rollercoaster and all consuming let alone when dealing with an abuser who will never be reasonable. You are doing everything right protecting your children and moving forwards even if at times it doesn’t feel like it. I remember thinking these processes would never end but they do and then life gets easier. Have you got support? It may help to reach out to your GP or do you have an IDVA or SW? I’m sure you have very little time but i hope you are getting moments to try and have some time for you. Take care of yourself x*x

[Hummingbird3]

Hi Watersprite, it really is.
I’m lucky that although family don’t live close, they are as supportive as they can be with the distance.
I have really good support network, and also I have a IDVA. SW aren’t involved as they feel that I am safeguarding my children appropriately with no contact.
I think the hardest thing is the constant gaslighting. Even with all the evidence, the escalation of services involved, he still attempts to say that I’m a liar, that I am doing this all maliciously. Although I know that I haven’t lied, and that there was/is a lot of psychological, financial, emotional and even sexual abuse, its so hard to come to terms with, because he’s the most charming, charismatic person, and its hard to think that my husband, before he had some sort of mental health breakdown which kicked this off, was abusive (although I know deep down he was).
Thank you for your reply.
Its not nice knowing anyone else is experiencing this sort of hell, but its comforting to know I’m not on my own!
x

[little-miss-sunshine]

Hi Hummingbird, sounds like such a difficult situation, I’m so sorry this has been happening to you. You’ve done so well getting this far, completely understand how draining it must be. Just keep thinking it will pass soon, (helps me when I’m spiralling and thinking something will never end) it sounds like you’re so close to getting him out of your space.

He’s throwing tantrums because you’ve taken his control and power away, try and look at that as a bit of a win? It must be such a scary time but getting a third party involved is so important for your safety, I’m glad you’ve got some support. Try and be kind to yourself, and celebrate the little things. I hope things improve soon. Take care, much love x*x

[Hummingbird3]

Hi Lillte-miss-sunshine.

Thank you. It has been horrendous if I sit and think about it for too long. I suppose I have always been one of those people who bury a lot to get on with it and not crumble, but theres only so much of this I can do.
Thats very true. I need to celebrate that I’m taking back control of my life, and that I will not be dictated to anymore.
I think the thing I need to work on is building back trust in myself and my instincts, because sometimes he’s able to say things that have me questioning if he really is as bad as I think, but I just keep thinking if I just let him have unsupervised contact with the children, SS won’t be happy.

Thank you for your comment, it really does help and is very much appreciated xx

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