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I sat my husband down and we started talking about our money issues, I told him he didn’t need a new car, that we should concentrate on him paying off his debts and then buy him a new car next year. I’ve told him I want to be considered and equal financially and that we could work together to pay off his debts but that we have to stop using the cards etc.
Well – it all turns out to be my fault! He tells me that he’s always made sure we have everything we need before he buys something he wants for himself, that I took money from the savings account and have never put it back (he gave me money out of the savings for Christmas presents for the kids and for me to upgrade my phone – I paid a small amount back but not all of it). He said that was our money and he always paid back everything he took from it (I wouldn’t be able to confirm or deny that as its all in his accounts). I paid for everything for Christmas – all the gifts, dinner for 12, cards etc etc and was concentrating on paying my credit card off as he said there was no rush – now he’s ‘written it off as he says I’m never going to pay it back.
He says we can’t be financially equal as i have never contributed to the family financially! When we got together he would tell me what’s mine was his and his mine and that it was our money – not anymore it would seem. I’ve only ever worked a few hours here and there and any money I’ve had he told me to keep – so he didn’t have to give me any – and when I had better jobs I did pay into the house – never masses but I have contributed. My last job I worked more hours and paid for all the food and the kids clothes.
Feel like absolutely rubbish now, like I mean nothing to him.
He also says the name calling is a joke and he doesn’t mean it – I told him months ago I didn’t like it and he didn’t stop!
Honestly think I would be better off dead – I have no plans to do anything drastic and need to start taking my antidepressants again, but what more do I have to do to be an equal?
TTMO xx
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My ex used to watch me bleed myself dry keeping a roof over our heads and food in our mouths while he went and p*ssed about booking himself trips and going on nights out and would tell me I was skint because I was bad at budgeting and not because he wasn’t contributing anything. These men don’t see us as equal and never will. They won’t treat us with the respect we deserve and that’s why we need to set ourselves free to discover or rediscover our true worth xx
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It’s not your fault and you know it and do does he!
You’ve made no contribution to the house??? He’s on another planet!! I bet you wash, clean, shop, put the bins out, probably do the garden as well as look after children and wait on him hand and foot.
He’ll know what you do when you’re gone from there! My ex had to ask me how to use washing machine when I left how ridiculous is that.
Keep being a great mum don’t let him get to you x*x -
What a pathetic (detail removed by Moderator) he is! Remind him what he said to you at the beginning of the relationship!
He needs help, really.He minimizes your efforts in every way. Letting you pay for everything from the little money that you earn is financial abuse. This is depressing. Would you need anti depressants if he were not in your life?
No, you are not better off dead. You are better off without him!
Big hugs! x*x -
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He doesn’t want to be financially equal and to not control the money, so he’s ‘inventing’ that you are bad with money, etc.
It’s all a cover-up, for the fact that he wants to continue being in control.
Don’t internalise his horrible words. None are true. They are all a ploy to deflect attention away from him and his financial abuse and need to control.
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