16th March 2016 at 8:10 am #115942BFreeParticipant
I though I was doing so well, I’ve gone back to work the criminal trial is over but still it feels never ending. Family courts and Cafcass are so slow, he’s refusing to hand over any money so I’m more in debt than I’ve been ever. He won’t even pay half towards child care costs. I have been refused tenancy on places for me and my kids as my credit score is low, I’m borrowing money from my parents to pay a solicitor and I feel like I’m no further forward than I was this time (detail removed by moderator) months ago.
The reality of how he treated me smacks me in the face now and then and I’m so tired of battling the same thing every day.
I don’t know how you all do it, you are so strong to keep going. I have no idea where to turn now it feels like I’ve hit a brick wall 😔
16th March 2016 at 9:00 am #11596SerenityParticipant
I feel exactly like you do this week, for almost exactly the same reasons.
I think what we can do is grab back the control in areas where we need to or can.
Plus, keep reminding ourselves that in 5 years’ time, we will be looking back and all of this will just be a distant memory. Like it happened to someone else.
I have had to borrow from family too. I wish I hadn’t, but we need to think, wouldn’t we do this for our kids too?
My divorce process seemed to go on and on, almost two years, and it seems to move so slowly, then suddenly everything came together and started moving at a rate of knots.
Though there are hurdles along the way, you get stronger over time.
It is important that you keep talking and getting support. When you stop talking, things can become huge in your own mind.
Various things will come together at some point soon. You can sort in your mind ways to pay your parents back and improve your credit score. I am in debt too, due to his abuse- can you look up on your area if there is a charity that offers help with budgeting/ gaining control of finances? That will help you not feel so alone in this. Sharing the burden alleviates it so much. Trying to cope alone can be overwhelming.
I can sympathise, as my situation is similar, but I believe that freedom and joy are just around the corner.
16th March 2016 at 12:10 pm #11616Confused123Participant
nice to hear from you, it is hard and u not alone, we all do get our days when we struggle and just think come on cant anything go right for me, totally understand how u feel with the bad credit, my ex has brought my credit down to zero , it is impossible to do anything with out a good credit , we just try and chat to each another on here ,post on here and have a moan and that gives us hope and encouragement . It is so hard now, i work too and all my money goes on legal fees, i’m desperate for that treat but just can afford it, just set yourself small goals , i always speak to support agencies and see if there are any courses that can help me build my confidence , any courses that can help me deal with my debts, i feel by talking helps me so much, if we can get away from them hun , anything is possible . Ive realized my credit rating is zero, there is no way it can be improved till this joint loan of our is cleared, so again he has out a stop on me going further, i am still trying to stay positive and find another job to pay this dammn loan off, am already so tired , take any help you can get from family to help you with childcare, can u take advantage of this 15 hours free childcare or is your child now in full time school , always ask for advise people can only say no, claim childcare help of tax credits, make budgets of where money needs to be allocated,i actually make a list of my debts and make a target of when they need to be cleared by or how much i can pay off , if we can escape them we can do this too, use your child as a motivation to go on, she willbe so proud of u when she is older and u will be proud of yourself too, i know u sinking in debt , but u will come out of this , its just a long road …..
18th March 2016 at 11:50 am #117792BFreeParticipant
Sometimes it feels like you are the only on in the world struggling with all of this, I almost feel penalised because I have a job. It’s because of that that I am finding it a battle to get any assistance with finance or housing. I would be okay if I didn’t have debts or legal fee’s and the only reason I have those is because of him.
It makes me sad knowing others are struggling in the same way as me… it’s an awful position to be in 😯
I hope you are both otherwise well confused & serenity x
Big hugs to you
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