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So I tried so hard to remain calm and give no reaction but in end had firm word with my eldest that his behaviour is unacceptable , he is dis respecting me by having contact with his dad who does nothing for him, will not provide for him or allow him to stay with him yet he is everything for my son , to wind me up more my eldest said u don’t even know dad has got a job here in (detail removed by Moderator), again no I don’t know and think this is a wind up again to p*ss me off which has worked , my eldest just laugh in my face and said am off to face time my g f , and I can say whatever I want cause everyone tried with his dad and it never work so why should it work on him. Am gob smack that this stupid boy always has answer, I ended debate that his not justifying his points , when he says things like I ruined his life by bringing him here I justified it by had he forgotten all the bad times we went through and I brought him here for our protection , he just laugh and told me dAd can come here too he has new job in (detail removed by Moderator) … What do u say to boy who doesn’t care about consequences. Keep thinking will cancel contract tommrow or block sim on his phone since I’m paying for contract , is determined not to get job keeps saying in
Going to say I’m guilty for ongoing case and end up in jail .am fuming ….how do u stop people treating u like joke , fed up of been blamed for messing my son life, it was his dad but he just accuses me and laughs saying u can’t say I can’t have contact with my dad , I said I can and by u saying u r U r showing disrespect to me , maybe I’m in wrong for stopping the contact , just don’t know how to deal with him, again has walk off as I’m not important or a priority for him.his g f is -
Hi confused123,
I’m not sure if my advice will help, I’m speaking from a place of experience with this as my child is still quite young.
I can understand the hurt, as my child will try and use his dad against me sometimes.
It sounds as though you gave a stubborn teenager.
I remember my teenage years well. I was stubborn, and always right and mostly thought about how everything affected me and me only.
Maybe part of the reason that you get the blame and the last thought is because you have always been the constant, you have always been reliable and looked after and provided for children.
Their dad’s hasn’t. He’s let them down and left them. And (this I’m assuming from experience) if he is treating them the way he treated you, he needs your children to prove their love, respect and whatever else to him and on his terms.
Your child may be hoping for affection and attention and love from him and doing his bidding.
This may be a selfish stage for your eldest. Let them have it, let them find out for themselves but show them and make sure that they always know that you will always be there to love and support them and to talk to.Your ex manipulated you and put you through so much that you needed to escape, he may have the same hold on you as he has on your eldest. Support your eldest, don’t fight their relationship, just be their when it us necessary to explain, to hug and to console.
My child thinks my ex is great right now. I haven’t told my child anything damaging but in a short amount of years my ex hasn’t put my child first much at all unless he’s being watched. Right now he is and so my child is benefitting. I really don’t like the influence my ex is having over my child, but I’m going to try my very best to make sure my child is a good and decent human being.
That’s all we can do, especially when we have so much to work against.
Work on a positive relationship between your eldest, your other children and yourself rather than disapproving of the relationship between your ex and your eldest. It sounds like, given time, your ex is capable if proving is unworthiness to your eldest in his own time. Be there to support your eldest rather than to say I told you so, or to stop your eldest finding out at all.
Good luck.
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Hi Confused,
This might or might not work for you, but i had a similar situation with my son.
I did the following: i set the ground rules, when he didn’t respect them, i packed him off to live with his Dad and new Gf.
He stayed there for 2 days and begged me to come back home to me.
The grass apparently wasn’t greener and the Dad didn’t like it one bit either.
I read my son the rules again after taking away his mobile and all privileges for 3 months, this was part of the agreement of having him back and he changed his bad attitude. I have never experienced that again from him in 3 years now! Be stron. Set your boundaries and dont tolerate any disrespect off them.
Big hug to you xx
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