It’s been tough but worth it

[marmaladechamp]

It’s been nearly (detail removed by moderator) weeks since I left him and I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Every day has had it’s ups and downs. I’ve gone through every type of emotion possible. I went no contact but spoke to him once regarding the house we both rent and I need to sort out our joint utilities.

He started back up with the messages again and frequent calls on WhatsApp, saying that he deserves an explanation as to why i left and persisted that i give it to him. I didn’t, I said more than enough in my letter and over the years.

When I noticed his messages coming in ((detail removed by moderator) in total) I had that awful fluttery heart feeling (not the good kind). It brought me back to how he made me feel, anxious that I had upset him or that I would upset him if I didn’t reply. I didn’t reply this time, I will reply in my own time once and for all to sort out some practical things but I wont talk about our relationship or my reason for leaving. He doesn’t get to demand I talk to him or go through the emotional labour of explaining how I’m feeling and the reason for it.

I’ve felt calm, collected and free and I won’t give this feeling up for anyone.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

[Tiffany]

I would highly recommend limiting him to one way of contacting you. I went with email. That way you can contact him to deal with what needs to be dealt with without endless attempts at manipulative calls, messages etc. I also found it really useful to have everything in writing to stop my abuser gaslighting and twisting what I said.

[Tiffany]

Another option I can think of is more complicated, but if you change your number and get a second pay as you go SIM, you can just give him the pay as you go number, and you just put that SIM into the phone when you need to contact him.

[KIP.]

Any contact at all is toxic, no matter how you look at it and see a positive, it comes back to bite you. Memories, triggers, him being back in your headspace etc. I’d get a third party to contact him and cut him right out the loop. Delete any contact numbers and block email and phone or better still change your number. There will be days when you feel strong but underneath you’re still very vulnerable and fragile for a long time to come. You’ve exposed yourself to that awful anxious feeling of consequences when you didn’t reply. That shows he still has that bad effect on you, there’s still the dreaded anxiety. Don’t expose yourself to that and don’t give him the satisfaction of contact x it does get easier with time and no contact. You’re doing great x

[EbonyRaven]

I opened a new free email account to contact the third party that I went through to arrange collection of his stuff. Any messages can go to them and they will pass them on.

Not that there are any messages. Now that the stuff is gone I have no reason for contact thankfully.

So, yes, email is good. A new account that you can log into when you are ready.

[marmaladechamp]

I emailed him outlining all the things we needed to sort out and said about wanting to see the dog (after he said the other day he would like to arrange for me to see her) and it was like the other day never happened. His response was SCATHING! Telling me about (detail removed by moderator). He finished it off with a subtle threat in the form of (detail removed by moderator). This was after he threatened to show up at my work if I didn’t reply to him. To top it all off (detail removed by moderator)! She is being used as a pawn in this whole thing.

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