3rd April 2016 at 9:18 am #12815
It finally came to a head yesterday and he’s gone, but I had to get the police to help him go.
I’ve been having support from WA for a few months for EA and coercive control, I’ve started a new job and been asked out with my work colleagues a few times which I’ve always said no to but even telling him I’d been asked to go out caused rows and jealousy from him to point he called a work colleague a racist name.
It’s been going on for the best part of (detail removed by Moderator) yrs. My support worker said I needed to test the waters and say next time I’m invited out I’m going and also that I want to spend a girly weekend with my daughter when she’s home next. I’ve not seen her since (detail removed by Moderator). Well I said the latter about spending the weekend with my daughter and he didn’t like it 1 bit, said I can’t pick and choose when to include him, said its out of norm to want to do things without him, led to a row where he involved my teenage daughter by telling her everything just as she woke up, I guided him out her bedroom which led to him pushing me and me hitting my arm on the door handle and marking it.
He said he would go then half way through packing changed his mind and said actually you can go, wanted half everything in house which I said no way, he challenged me to call olive do I did then he couldn’t believe I’d done it! Well first night alone, feel fragile but nice not to be harassed for sex to point where I give in. Onwards and upwards, and had my locks changed too yesterday.
Anymore tips for what I should do next ? Xx
3rd April 2016 at 4:10 pm #12858SerenityParticipant
Well done for phoning the police.
Many other ladies here have been through similar to you, and can maybe offer you more accurate advice, but I wanted to tell you that I think you are really brave X
3rd April 2016 at 4:40 pm #12863mixed-up mumParticipant
Oh well done you – that’s great!! 🙂
YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!! 🙂
My ex wouldn’t leave the family home – and so in the end I was forced to go and make my kids and me homeless – that’s was how much he actually cared about us – he held on to what was most precious to him – and when push came to shove – he showed that he would rather have the house and see his wife and kids homeless – that’s his final act of control and abuse.
Well he is welcome to it – I don’t care anymore its only a house and we have our own place now – and all our own things and he can never take that from us!!!!
It really does just get to the stage when one day you just KNOW enough is enough and you can take no more – and one of you has to go.
Well done you for getting him out and hanging on to the house – its only fair that in a abusive relationship the abuser should be made to leave the house – unfortunately for many its not possible – and its there final act of revenge keeping the house for themselves – not because THEY want it – but because they don’t want YOU to have it!!
You do just get to a stage where you can no longer take the control they have over you – eg not letting you go out with friends – not letting you spend time with your family and not letting you get away on your own at any point.
Mine got like that in the end – if me and my daughter wanted some time alone – he would come too – he would insist – so we couldn’t get out of it – we were not even allowed to go and do the food shop on our own – that was time spent alone without him – and he just could not take how close me and my daughter were – he was SO jealous of us being alone – because it had got to the stage where I just couldn’t stand being alone with him EVER – and my daughter also tried to protect me and make sure I was never left alone with him.
Your first night alone can be scary and daunting – not knowing what will happen next – but you have got over that first night – and so now onward and upwards eh!!! 🙂
It is such a massive relief to know you are safe in your bed at nights and he can no longer get to you.
Keep getting support form your Woman’s Aid support worker – she will support and guide you – and you will get lots of help on here too.
After changing the locks Id say the next most important thing is to get any money you can from your joint account – you don’t want him going in an clearing the lost out and leaving you penniless – you need money to survive and pay the bills.
I went in to the bank 2 days after I left him and I halved what we had – so he had some to live on and so did me and the kids – I was just so scared he’d be so biter and resentful and keep all the money – and I had my kids to think of – we didn’t have much money – but I had enough to see me and the kids could eat and survive – until I felt strong enough to work again – I took two weeks off work – to find a house and get us moved in – I needed that time to recover enough to be fit to work – it was a big trauma and you cant just carry on as if nothing has happened.
Im sure you will get lots more good advice.
My very best wishes for the start of your new life!! 🙂
3rd April 2016 at 4:55 pm #12867KIP.Participant
Hi there, I needed the police to help mine out the door too. Get straight to a solicitor. Is he on bail? If not, get a non mol to keep him away. Go no contact and let your solicitor deal with him. It’s going to be a real roller coaster ride. The first few days I was in shock. Then for about two weeks it was euphoric. Then as you have time for you brain to process all the abuse it can be very traumatic. Get to your GP and get the injury noted. This is very important. She can be a great help through this. Make no mistake, his gloves will well and truly come off now. Enjoy the peace and take all the help you can get. I discovered my ex had stolen tens of thousands from behind my back, had been having an affair, nothing is beneath these monsters so keep your guard up.
3rd April 2016 at 6:25 pm #12880
Tenancy is just in my name thank god because I knew that say would come! Luckily we are not married or have kids together and he’s moved (detail removed by Moderator) miles away back to where he’s from. He’s coming tomorrow to get the rest of his stuff but il ring police if he starts but I don’t think he will. After tomorrow I will just block his number or get a new one if he’s tries contact me.
This time is definitely it, I’m going to concentrate on my daughter and rebuilding my confidence and friendships again which all got damaged due to him and his possessiveness.
So nice to be in bed and not be harassed for sex bliss !!!
Thanks ladies for all your support I know I’ll have dark times ahead but I’ll get there this time!
3rd April 2016 at 6:26 pm #12881AyannaParticipant
Yes, get a non molestation order, take pictures of your injury, report them to the GP or even A&E.
Go zero contact, call Rights of Women for legal issues.
The NCDV helps you with the non-molestation order.
Well done! x*x
3rd April 2016 at 6:35 pm #12882KazaParticipant
Stay strong and take each day one day at a time. You should be very proud of yourself. It is hard been alone, but you cant put a price on safety.
Good on youxx
3rd April 2016 at 10:10 pm #12914
Thank you ladies. Hoping my counselling starts soon as I never want to be in this position again. I seem to attract (detail removed by Moderator) !
4th April 2016 at 2:38 am #12940Flower girlParticipant
Hi I needs some advice feeling pretty alone right now I finally got the strength to try and get (detail removed by Moderator) it backfired on me the (detail removed by Moderator) me and my three children fled the house and have been hotel hopping ever since I reported it to police but he convinced me to drop charges I know I shouldn’t have but I did is their any way of retracting a retraction ?
4th April 2016 at 3:10 am #12943KIP.Participant
Hi Flower girl, I would ring and speak to domestic abuse officers. If there is nothing you can do criminally. You can maybe get an incident number and details for evidence in civil court. I read your other post.
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