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I’ve been posting on here a while now when I finally had the courage to see my marriage for what it really is. All the while I’ve been making plans and exploring options while going through the motions at home.
After exploring different options I’m in a position where I can raise a small deposit on a house to buy for me and my son. I’ve made initial enquiries and now need to make an appt this week to start the process regarding a mortgage.
This weekend was particularly hideous with my husband. I was supposed to be having a night away with friends. I haven’t been out in months and months and had planned this small get together for some time. As I was getting ready to go he starts nit picking at me. I can’t go into the details but you’ll all know what I mean. Basically his jealousy of the fact I have friend he doesn’t came through and he wasn’t going to let me get ready in peace to go have a nice time.(detail removed by moderator) The only thing he was bothered about was looking bad in front of my friends. Anyway I didn’t go. I was too upset. He got his way.
Even though I’m getting close I’m still so scared of his reactions and how I’m going to get my stuff out. He works close by and there are cameras on the house. I’m also scared that he’ll turn up at my work after I’m gone. He’ll be furious that he’ll be left to run a big house on his own but he’s refusing to sell.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I’m in a good position but I’m still terrified and still part of me is in denial. I have a good job and I’ll be able to support my son with some small cut backs yet still half of me tells myself i should stay. What the hell is that about?! Every day I wish for him not to come home even if that means he’s killed in a car accident or something yet I’m still feeling so hesitant x -
It’s brainwashing, programming, conditioning, trauma bonding, fear, Obligation, guilt. None of which are reasons to stay. Try not to overthink. That’s what he’s counting on. Get yourself out and safe then the solicitors can force him to sell via court if he won’t cooperate. After you’ve left you don’t have to speak to him again, give him your solicitor to deal with. When you’re moving out ask if a police officer can be there for your own safety. Don’t tell him anything. I wouldn’t even tell your child. Just get some legal advice if you’re married as buying a property may come under marital assets. If you have cash you can hide I’d think about that and take a slightly larger mortgage. Get all your ducks in a row. You’re absolutely doing the right thing x once you’re out you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner but you have to reach a stage where you won’t return. Thinking of you (from my own peaceful home). Nobody walking on eggshells here. Imagine your end goal. Draw an imaginary line and don’t deviate x
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I think it’s the thought off the fight ahead too. It’s not half as bad as you think. It’s a huge upheaval but it’s what is need for you to be able to actually live. Properly. I had to cancel going out all the time it was so humiliating to have to tell them he’d kicked off and I had to stay home. He would through plates! It was like a Greek wedding! 😘 try to stay pragmatic and remember the emotional feelings are down to trauma. I hated my ex in the end could barely look at him and I had the same thoughts xx wipe your tears were right behind you hun xx love diymum xx
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That did make me laugh about the Greek wedding but it’s not funny at all is it?! it’s horrendous. Today he’s saying I can go to a class when previously saying he wouldn’t assist me so I could go. Even as I’m still making my plans I feel like I’m never going to get away. I should be putting my son first ❤️
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