It’s getting worse before it gets better

[Mashed]

Thank you for providing this space as it feels like it’s only those with lived experience and those who support survivors that really understand what it’s like. I feel I need to offload but also hope that it may help someone else to know that they are not alone in what they’re suffering.
It’s so difficult to relate this coherently as the stress makes it hard to think straight. I know I am luckier than many in that my situation is not extreme and mostly I feel strong and able to cope. This has been such a long journey though. From years of trying to work out what I was doing wrong, trying to put things right, to finally realising what I was dealing with and that things would never get better. I finally got some clarity and a weight lifted when I came across stories on social media from others who had suffered n**********c abuse, then everything fell into place. It really helped me to see my way forward but I still have to live with my abuser until we can sell the house. The fact that I no longer serve a purpose means that things are getting worse. I’m used to the silent treatment, lack of respect and passive aggression and have already had to cope with my possessions and money going missing (all done in a way that I can’t prove anything) but now key documents that are important to negotiating a financial settlement and my passport are missing from the house. I did expect that he would be trying to manipulate others and the process but it’s hard now that it’s happening. I don’t think I have enough emotional or financial reserves to go through a court process as mediation is already proving to be tougher than I expected. It just feels like he’s going to get away with hiding assets. I also know that the more he thinks he’s not going to get what he wants the worse he’ll get.
I would love to let off steam by telling him exactly what I think, to call him out on his behaviour every time but that would play into his hands, he’d know he’d got to me and would use it to accuse me of losing my temper. My healing will only begin once I’m on my own.

[nbumblebee]

So Im still here and probably always will be so I admire your strength in planning a way out.
Its time to get sneeky and as much as it will feel wrong you must do it to stay one step ahead.
Send off for a new passport saying your old one is lost.
Google solicitors that specialise in helping women whove been abused they may be able to help you with thise documents or call the people who sent you them tell them your situation say you need 2 copies of everything get yours sent to a safe address and then hide them. Now is the time to look out for you.
I say im still here and I am and its hell at times but I am slowly putting things together that help I work I try and see friends it often ends with him being nasty but I know that now and can steady myself for it. It helps it really does. It goes against all I believe in but I do what I can to stay safe and sane and this is what you now need to do.
Dig deep find that fire within you and fight with all you got but never let on never let him see your strength not until you have gone and are safe.
Keep fighting sweetie you got this x

[spiritedaway]

makes me so hopeful knowing there are so many strong women, who don’t see how strong they are, we just don’t see it when we look at ourselves. But I read what you are doing and think how amazing you are.
Please don’t for a second think you should be grateful for not having it as bad as someone else, none of us should be in the situations we are.

[Mashed]

Thank you everyone, I’ll get there, I know I will. I have removed most of my documents from the house now as he had found stuff I’d hidden, just didn’t think he’d be so brazen as going for the passport. It’s reported and cancelled now. Also taken photos of important stuff as a back up.
Look after yourselves x

[Bananaboat]

If hiding the documents yourself isn’t an option then take photos on your phone and either email them to a secure mailbox of your own or, if you have an iPhone you can set up a hidden album. They push and push you so you’ll react, I lived with my ex for months post split so I know it’s not natural but you got to play sneaky to protect yourself too x

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