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He is supposedly leaving (detail removed by Moderator) and the level of intimidation and bullying is right up there. I’ve not left the bedroom and he is playing music loud and shouting out things and then periodically bursting in to say something to attack me. Trying to lure me in to an argument. He’s been saying horrible things about our son because he’s not talking to him. It’s like he’s acting out his final hoorah and he’s going to make sure that I know about it. He’s desperate for a reaction. It’s incredibly childish. And the madness is he wants me to change my mind yet he behaves like this. Only reiterating that I’m doing the right thing. But physically I feel sick with anxiety. I’m so tired of living this life of never relaxing. Always being on edge. Even when things were good you couldn’t relax because you didn’t know how long they would last. I just want it all to stop. Everyone tells me how strong I’m being but the truth is i feel anything but strong. I feel scared and anxious. No-one knows what it feels like to live with this daily.
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Oh gosh I remember my ex last night in our home, it was awful and like yours he demonstrated some of the reasons why I wanted to separate.. it is bonkers how they behave then in another breath want to try again.. hold on in there, it is a tough ride and on this part you are nearly there, keep posting ❤️
Once he has left your feelings will start to settle
Sending warmth and strength your way tiredofitall xx -
Thank you for the support.honestly think I would have caved before now without this site and the support you all give me. Knowing you’ve gone through it, understand what it’s like and have gotten out gives me strength to keep going and hold on for the future. I wonder what it will feel like to feel safe in my own house without the constant threat of a tantrum and the constant negativity. I feel like I’ve had a constant ball in my tummy for years and years.
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Yes we all understand each other no matter what the abuse, we can all relate to each other on here x good description describing it like a ball in your stomach! Towards the end i felt it like a physical pain that ball (i no longer have that and it does subside, it took me around 3 months for that awful feeling to subside it takes time and support) It is a journey which you are already on and we are here for you ❤️
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Oh lovely, hang in there the end is close. Like you both I had all this too, I can’t listen to certain songs anymore or freeze if I hear them on the radio because he’d play them loudly and sing to be intimidating, I’d ‘hide’ in my room and he’s randomly come upstairs and slam around or storm into the room making accusations. My eldest isn’t his but was in their life for years but stopped talking to them. Scary how similar these ppl are. Be prepared for more tomorrow morning, or a polar opposite to mess with your head, have a back up plan in case he comes up with some wild excuse not to leave.
But having lived through similar, I promise you it gets better. Be prepared for a whole wave of emotions after he’s gone too, you’ve been surviving for so long. Fingers crossed for a quiet, peaceful night tomorrow. xx
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Oh my, he was still going strong till late last night, banging and swearing. I barely slept and had my phone tucked in bed with me in case he decided to take it further. We left for work/school early and then I got a text (detail removed by Moderator) to say he is going (detail removed by Moderator). Was dreading coming home but I’ve been greeted by Mr reasonable…like yesterday didn’t happen!!! Honestly it makes you feel like you are going mad. Anyway, he has all his stuff loaded into a van so it does look like he is leaving (detail removed by Moderator) but history has taught me never to trust anything until it happens. But I couldn’t stop crying at work this morning – I’m so desperate to be free from feeling this way. My son was in tears on (detail removed by Moderator), he hates his dad and loves him at the same time. He wishes he was different and his dad treats him so poorly. He called him a (detail removed by Moderator) yesterday- who does that??? And then spends all his time talking to our daughter. How does that make him feel?
Anyway, I thank you all for your support. It kept me going yesterday and today when i felt overwhelmed knowing you KNOW what it’s like. Because sometimes you feel like maybe it is you.
Keep praying that he’ll be gone (detail removed by Moderator). -
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He’s gone!!! Got back from work and he’s not here. We haven’t heard if he had made it to his family yet…they live far away…but it definitely feels like he had gone. I don’t quite know what to do or how to feel? All of a sudden I’m free to move around my house again and my mind is racing. Guess it’s going to take a while to adjust and of course, he can come back at any time until the house sale goes through but for now, it’s a quiet night for us. I don’t think I would have had the courage to make this decision without this forum and the people on it. And you’ve kept me sane and focused through it all. I think you are all amazing!
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I’ve got so much support from my family and work but I can’t tell you how much it means to know that you guys have been thinking about me. I’ve never met you but you’ve all given me so much support. And I know I’ll be here asking for more too! I spent so many years keeping it all a secret and never telling anyone what was happening but being on here and finding the courage to admit the truth has been life changing.
I know there is still a long way to go but today feels like another step on the path to being completely free. -
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Just wanted to check in on you after your first night @tiredofitall
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Thanks for thinking of me. I’ve had a busy few days making the house feel like it’s mine again. I’ve been either at work or in the bedroom so roaming freely without worry has been amazing and I’ve just been trying to learn how to relax again. The children seem happier but it’s still a big deal when your dad leaves. I’ve heard from him a few times, all amiable and seems like he is trying to make a new start. I’m just keeping contact polite and minimal. And really trying hard not to spend time thinking about him. I’ve spent ao long always thinking about what mood he’s in, have I done everything I can to avoid triggering…I find that even though he’s not here now I’m wondering if he acting up where he is and whether he’s being horrible to his family. I’m consciously trying to stop myself otherwise I won’t appreciate him not being here.
Anyway, it’s early days but I’m feeling a million times happier than this time last week! -
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