It’s goes on and on

[Cantmakedecisons]

I wrote something earlier but I didn’t put a title so I don’t know where it’s gone..?

Anyway what do you put to as a title when you thought you’d cracked it and then it all comes back to literally smack you in the face.

I had a moment of quietness, relief but always alert. He then continues to threaten, hurt, humiliate and scare me.

Most recent being stalking me (detail removed by moderator) my neck and pulling so b****y tight. I got away but only after it terrified me.

I’m embarrassed to even post after what seemed to be a positive one last time some time ago.

Im not even sure it’s possible to survive this tired! The constant battle is really taking it toll. This isn’t any kind of life.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Cantmakedecisions

I’m not surprised you’re feeling this way, its awful, and so scarey. Has he been caught (detail removed by moderator) cameras assaulting you? I guess you’re not wanting to report him for this, its very serious constricting your throat, its certainly taken very seriously by police I would say, bearing in mind it is part of the profile of the most dangerous perpetrators.

No, its no kind of live. Can you say what options you may have to make changes in your life? Any family or friends that can help?

When you thought you’d cracked it, what did you mean, how had you managed to improve things?

I am so sorry you suffered this way, it must have been very scarey. Do keep posting and getting support, it will help you to start thinking of what to do to improve your life, and it always helps to offload!

warmest wishes

ts

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks for responding.

Yes awful, I just don’t know what he’ll do next.

It wasn’t at a (detail removed by moderator) . Not sure on CCTV.

I thought I’d sorted it after a period of quietness. I left, he continued but stopped for a while and then it’s started again at another level.

I’m still in rented and financially it’s hard but emotionally it’s killing me. I had to leave the family home, the dog and all my things. I have shared custody with children.

I don’t have anyone close. My friends ans family know we’ve separated but the reasons to them remain unknown. It’s been made very clear I’m not to spill or things will get worse.

Just feeling very alone and exhausted.

[Twisted Sister]

oh dear, so despite having left you are still very much living under the threat 🙁 So sorry.

Well you have lots of support here. Does he know where you live now? I am shocked that he has shared custody of the children when he’s so dangerous and violent.

How would you feel about reporting and asking for the cctv?

If he does know where you live, are you able to rent somewhere he doesn’t know?

How did he manage to run into you in the (detail removed by moderator) ? Do you know if he is able to stalk you?

warmest wishes

ts

[Cantmakedecisons]

He knows where I live and I move soon but he knows that too.

I think he must have some sort of tracker on me/car. I know I sound crazy when I say that.

I also know by saying his a good father I sound crazy. As part of me leaving I agreed joint custody. I’m ashamed and embarrassed about that but it was needed at the time to just be able to leave.

Apart from calling the police when I needed them albeit reluctantly and when he’s been arrested I haven’t been in contact with services. I was assigned a IDVA but not great.

Thanks TS

[Twisted Sister]

Hi…he knows where you’ll be moving to? Is that because you have told him, or that he’s worked it out somehow, and you suspect through stalking you. Its not mad to think he has some sort of tracker thing on you somehow, he wouldn’t be the first by any means.

I think in terms of him being ‘a good father’, nobody that can do that and everything else he has done to you is a good father, they just are not good people, and should not be trusted with precious little lives, as he will no more tolerate them than anyone else, and noone is there to see the moment he may snap.

It got you out, so now you are in a better position to keep your children away from him and report his a*s for trying to choke you in order to threaten and intimidate.

If you reported him for this latest incident it would facilitate a lot of other actions, like having a non-mol against him and for you to keep the children safe with you all the time.

I do get though that his threat is very frightening and needs taking seriously. Can you switch IDVA?

warmest wishes

ts

[Strongenough]

Hi,

I can relate to your post in so many ways. I am in a similar situation with the stalking etc.

I really urge you to report everything to the police. I like you was reluctant as I didn’t want it to escalate further, my ex abuser is very dangerous. However I came to the realisation after months of stalking that not reporting him isn’t going to stop him either. These types of abusers don’t seem to just give up. I have the right to be left alone to get on with my daily life.

You are not crazy about tracker either, I lived like this for years before I got out, but was afraid to say it out loud to people for fear of being viewed as paranoid.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, I know how scary and draining it is. Xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

What did the police do/say when you reported incidents to them? We’re they just logged or acted upon?

[Strongenough]

They were acted upon but only once I got referred to domestic violence officer. Its a live criminal case so can’t say too much on this platform, but it was taken seriously. The national stalking helpline were also really good with me.

[iliketea]

I’m so sorry to hear this. Do you still have a non-molestation order? Or can you apply for one if you haven’t? The best way for this to stop is probably to report to the police again. And get back in to contact with services who supported you before. Could you try to do that? What he has done is assault, and it is a crime. With the background history it is also very frightening, for you, and for what might happen going forward. Also, I know you say he’s a good dad, but if he can’t get to you to do these things, is there any chance he will transfer this to your children? As they get older? I know my own parent changed towards me the older I got and with all that came with being a teenager.
Sending you strength to get through this. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this again. You’ve come so far. Have you tried a local support group? The strength and power you get from a local group of women might help too. People you can meet face to face to give you confidence and strength to get through this.
Big hug, you’re strong, remember that. He had done something illegal, please report it to the police.
x

[iliketea]

Meant to say not crazy about a tracker either, it is very possible and there are a couple of women here who know a lot about them. There was a post the other day, I think @Wantstohelp gave some really good replies and information. I’ll try and find it and bump it. xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks Iliketea.

I can’t believe I’m still here dealing with this s**t. My mental health is rock bottom and it’s difficult to see a future.

[Watersprite]

Hey i know how terrifying this is. And just endless. First things first – you. Are you getting support? Have you spoken to your GP? there is Samaritans. Please reach out for support if you are in crisis. We are here too.
Secondly safety – I had the same had to report to police it wasn’t all how it should have been but ultimately on the end has made us safer. Keep your phone charged call 999 if he approaches.
Thirdly a non molestation order may help it did for us call NCDV they will help yoi especially as there had been a recent significant event.
I also had this for a long time it’s so tough but there is a future. Hold on. Remember how far you have come and what that took 💪 x*x

[Grey Rock]

I didn’t want to read and run.
The stalking is terrifying and makes you feel like you’re going mad.
In the end I changed my car and phone because he seemed to know wh we re I was and he’d always shown an unhealthy interest in tech and tracking things. I also used the fact that he was stalking via social media to send him on a false trail by joining lots of fb groups in villages that were believable but incorrect places for relocation when he found out I was moving. I ended up moving (detail removed by Moderator) times in (detail removed by Moderator) years and think (thanks to restraining order) that I may have shaken him off but that order ends soon and I’m seriously considering moving again, and relocating to a completely different area of the country.
These men are devious and have long memories, and can be very grudge bearing when they’ve been held to account for their actions.
Anyway. Sorry to harp on. Wishing you luck and sending prayers your way.
GR xx

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