It’s not over yet :childcare

[Mellow]

It’s not been long since he left since then I’ve kept contact as minimal as possible but he didn’t leave my house key like I asked.i asked my eldest was it left they said d no I really didn’t want to contact him about it as I knew he was coming to collect kids so anyway when he called the kids I told the kids ask him for my key because they knew about situation and asked me should I ask him my son seemed flustered to do it I didn’t think it through and said yea tell him so .he is texting me saying I could of text him instead directly and not send the kids and that he was bringing it .I feel like he’s trying to control my actions again moving goal posts before this if the kids were busy playing they have their own phone he would tex me saying they are not answering can you pass the phone to them by text to me and he dosent even give them enough time!to even see the phone it seems to have to be on his terms again!and the kids don’t always want to speak cause they are playing it’s like I have to hope at least one of them wants to speak .is it just me or does it seem like he’s trying to control again.i didn’t answer at all cause it seemed as though he wanted me to get angry

[longjourneylife]

So great that he left! I’d change the locks as you don’t know if he has copies. Have a rule that all phones are away/on silent during play time? X

[Mellow]

He rings at roughly the same time I don’t mind this but I’f kids don’t answer he bothers my mobile who ct defeats the object of him not contacting me

[Hereforhelp]

Hey Mellow x
What about if you put in a boundary re kids, you and phone calls… as he may be sticking to a certain time (which may cause you/kids anxiety when it’s time for him to call? My kids (teens) got really affected when their dad used to ring/message them).

What would happen if you told him that if kids do not answer then he is to wait until they contact him and he is not to contact you and he is to respect both your children’s and your wishes? If he continues ignore his call/message as you would’ve already of put that boundary in.
Yes he is still bullying and controlling… they all seem to do this and it is totally unfair.

Once separated I found I had to start putting boundaries in place as my husband would use all sorts of reasons to message, phone, come in on pick up for child and make himself some food… this was a while back, I was still very anxious and walking on eggshells feelings, I was scared… now boundaries are in place we do not see him, it has helped my children start to heal which gave me strength to keep boundaries in place… I Hope that made sense?
❤

[Bananaboat]

He’ll try to use the kids to control you and this is where you have to become very cold and factual when texting him, it feels wrong but it’s all I’ve found that works. My ex keeps saying he’ll have his child on a certain day/time then doesn’t, i’m expected to be at his beck & call when he is ready to have our child or for pick up, money is sporadic at best and he’ll send random texts which unsettle me. Try not to speak through the kids, short, factual texts to him directly. If he kicks off either don’t respond or just say ok, don’t get pulled into battles. Unfortunately they still continue to play games x

[Mellow]

Thanks for advice it’s very helpful I didn’t mean to talk through the kids just my son remembered and wanted to tell him and I’d already told him yes it was a total accident .but yeah he keeps ringing at certain time and they don’t always want to speak cause they are playing. but I can still feel abuse like last night it seemed a bit angry because I did that and this morning I had other messages to do with kids I’ve just ignored those because it was stuff I already knew I am main carer after all.but I felt like he wanted an argument I did not respond the first time,I’ve got a feeling he will do same tonight if they don’t answer in time

[Bananaboat]

Yeah I get this too, it’s my fault if they don’t want to talk too. Latest one is wanting photos every day but no, because then you know where I am/what I’m doing and it means I have to think of him every day. Wish it was because they miss the kids but it’s all about controlling us. Hang in there xx

[Mellow]

I’ve had the pictures thing.well I think he’s up to one of his tricks this time because he hasent rung he’s done this before he stops ringing then blames it on me says I’m stopping him speaking to the children.if I get a message soon I’ll have to ignore it because it will probably be angry I refuse to chase him He’s the parent.he can ring his kids they have their phones .they ring him if they are up to it I won’t be responsible for maintaining the relationship

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