30th May 2016 at 5:27 pm #18325SerenityParticipant
A great many of my posts here have been about the children- how my health was ruined through the stress of trying to bring my kids up happy whilst being with him.
But to turn to the subject of money- his reason for living- I can’t believe that in all those years I never queried where his money was going, how much he earned, where he was putting it, and I even handed over my earnings when he ordered me to.
After he left and I got a barrage of horrible threats, the only time I ever phoned him rather than receive a text, he said something that he knew couldn’t be used as evidence, because it wasn’t in a text. He said “I challenge you to find out how much I really earn.”
How can a man think that he is entitled to lie about his earning power to his own wife- whilst trying to limit her earning power and taking her earnings?
I feel such a gullible fool, as he had loads stashed away and I was merely in overdraft when he left, with no savings.
30th May 2016 at 5:41 pm #18326I am better than thisParticipant
I feel for you, its a horrible thing for him to have done. But youre not gullible…..these type of men are very clever at getting so into your head and under your skin that before you know it….your jumping in front of a bus because he said to! Not literally obviously, but you get my point. My ex had the power with money and I can remember many a holiday we went on where I had to ask to buy something! He usually said yes so that wasn’t the issue. It was just another way he had control.
I believe my ex stashed money away too, but I’ve no way of proving anything. I’m just glad he has gone if I am honest.
Men who lie about their earning power to their own wives, are men who lie about lots of things. Its all power play and takes many forms.
Courts can order disclosure of earnings, not 100% sure if it would be disclosed to you but I know they can make such an order. Not sure if that is relevant in your case?
When I had debt collectors hound me, I told them I was now a single parent and gave my ex’s name and address!
Please don’t allow him to make you feel bad about not knowing these kind of things. You have simply been well conditioned to accept whatever he said/did. I have certainly been right where you are and I’m sure most ladies here will confirm the same. Stay strong, your life is yours now!
30th May 2016 at 10:32 pm #18340AnonymousInactive
Trusting, I think that’s what all of us have been. Life has shown us that it’s possible to be too trusting. Sad, but true. So now we know to be selective about who we trust and how much we trust them. It’s about setting boundaries I guess (my boundaries were erased in childhood, I’m re-creating them now). This is something I’m trying to help my children to have & learn so they needn’t repeat my mistakes. We’ll get there. Stay strong 🙂 S xx
31st May 2016 at 12:11 pm #18376Confused123Participant
WE all trusted and they took advantage thatas where they got us, they are abusers, a normal guy wouldnt think like this only abusers do
31st May 2016 at 7:39 pm #18396Falling SkysParticipant
Im the same, they abuse on every level, he spent all my money but I’m getting a little a head now at lease what every we have will be our doing.
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