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    • #11800
      undertherainbow
      Participant

      The trial is over. He was found not guilty on the sexual offences and sentenced to (detail removed by moderator) years for the violence. With time served on remand he could be out in (detail removed by moderator) months. I am seriously let down, I am heartbroken. There is a restraining order for life in place but I still feel a complete sense of injustice.

      He lied through his teeth in court while claiming I was the love of his life. The lies were quite incredulous, the judge pointed out his inconsistencies several times.

      I know it’s time to move on but I don’t see this being possible, I feel like I am grieving. Cross examination almost broke me. I just want time to lapse so it doesn’t feel so fresh. I know some people are on his side and think I probably deserved him trying to kill me, a lot of rumours that all charges were dropped but this is not true. Very fed up.

    • #11813
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Big hugs! I went through the same sh… and my ex abuser only got a very light sentence, almost nothing, for nearly killing me, raping me, damaging my body for the rest of my life.
      The legal protection for female victims is a joke. Patriarchy rules.
      Every time a judge lets an abuser off the hook they send the message into the entire country that killing and raping women is a good thing in this day and age. They encourage men to kill us, rape us, dehumanize us.
      We need to shout out our anger and frustration about these patriarchal, archaic, misogynist jurisdiction.
      And we women need to learn to defend our lives. We have no other choice as long as men are encouraged to kill us and rape us and dehumanize us by abuse promoting jurisdiction.

    • #11814
      Serenity
      Participant

      The legal system is a joke, my darling.

      There is a higher law: that of karma. Believe me, he will suffer eventually for all he has done.

      Thank you in behalf of all women for standing up and trying your best to expose his crimes. Every woman who does this is helping to change the landscape of domestic abuse.

      As for your recovery, please keep on asking for support even now. You’ve been through so much.

      I am sure all the ladies will echo my thoughts, that we are so proud of you.

      Hugs xxxx

    • #11815
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi, I know how you feel. You’re in shock. It will get better. You’ve been building up to this day for a long time. Try to think that it could have been a lot worse. At least he was found guilty. Yes you are grieving. You’re grieving the love that you have lost and the good times too. But that’s ok. Don’t think for a minute you deserved any of this. He is a monster but it’s painful to accept that someone you trusted could really be that sick. Mine was found guilty in (removed by moderator). People were pleased but underneath I felt a deep sadness that it had come to this. Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong. Things will get better in time. Don’t be hard on yourself and take it easy for a few days. Have a good cry if you have to but well done for getting through this and holding him to account. For yourself and other women, youre an inspiration x

    • #11834
      determined survivor
      Participant

      First, remember you did not deserve anything he did to you. I know that is easier said than done, and I struggle with the same thinking process. Second, in a way you are grieving. We all do at various points during our recovery. You grieve however you need to. I grieved after mine as well, and some days I still am grieving. So many things are brought up, and you have to face those memories again, even when you want to forget. I have found that the freshness doesn’t linger as long as it did the first time, so there is some hope there. Take some time for you, doing something that you enjoy.

      We see the lies, and we know the truth, but unfortunately there isn’t much we can do about it. We don’t get the justice we deserve, and that’s something that hopefully will be fixed in the future, but for now we do the best we can and know that it’s all that matters. Keep working on moving forward!

    • #11836
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi & hugs xx

      Thankyou for having the strength to stand up in court. The law is an a*s.

      I have heard that being in court and giving evidence is like going through it all again.

      What ever the outcome in court you have stood up and said that it was unacceptable, and when enough of us do it the system will change. May be not to make a difference for us but it will be better for our daughters and granddaughters.

      When I was first being raped, rape within marriage wasn’t a crime but it is now. So things do change sadly to slow at times.

      So so proud of you. You are a true survivor, thank you for standing up and being counted.

      FS xx

    • #11896
      undertherainbow
      Participant

      All your posts and comments have made me cry, thank you. I admit I’m struggling to move forward, I am being told to ‘live in the now’ but it’s so difficult. I wouldn’t wish a trial on anyone, it’s more hurtful than the actual abuse. I don’t want to get out of bed, nothing gives me any joy. I hope it ends soon. Thank you to all who posted kind words. For the time being I don’t see this getting any better. x

    • #11900
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I know so well how you feel. I think that people who tell us to live in the now are d**n stupid. They have no idea what abuse and all the court hearings do to us. x*x

    • #11907
      KIP.
      Participant

      For the time being I don’t see this getting any better! Exactly exactly how I felt. It’s a normal understandable reaction. I promise you it will get better. Think of an uncoloured picture. You have the pencils and in time you will slowly colour the picture and add colour to your life again. I found the court process agony too and I told the prosecutor I would never go through this again. You’re now a much stronger, wiser woman. It takes time to recover so don’t pressure yourself. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need❤️

    • #12117
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      Sending massive hug out to u , u will get through this too, i could of cried when i read your post cause thats exactly how i felt when my ex who tried to kill me got away with it totally, it feels like there is no justice after how much stregth we took to report them but u know what u did well for reporting him, u stood up to him and its on his record , he thought u would never report and go through with it, thats enough to throw themoff guard and as other ladies have said u did your bit to give your message abuse shouldnt be tolerated. That alone gives a strong message , us ladies have to keep reporting whether we get justice or not as in the end all of us ladies together can stop us ladies becoming another statictic of death duw to d v . Karma is the real revenge/justice, whether we see it or not it will hit them in the face, have a cry if u need to ,i know i did , but it also gave me part closure thathe did this to me, and i still faced him, survived and am going to move forward with the rest of my life , my ex still throws abuse at me via voice mails every few months, i report them all and am so pleased cause i got told yesterday he will get a warning now and if he continues i get the harrassement order against him, one way or another he is threating me but this is going to be a slap on his face that yes i will report him everytime he trys to threaten or hurt me , and i will make sure he is cut out of my life , speak about how u feel, cry it out then move on , his not worth it , wheni found out i said im gonna get drunk in eve to recever over the shock , but after a good cry i thought u know what u not worth that drink , think positive hun

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