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I have just found my way to information about IDVA’s. I’m so scared that they will take over my life if I contact the local support group, from the wording that I saw about them acting without my permission if they feel it necessary? I can’t cope with the idea of things becoming completely out of my control with them as well! Everything about what’s going to happen next? Then things moving too fast for me. I already struggle to deal with things as it is. Is that what really happens? Can anyone tell me please.
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What’s idva ?if you mean support worker they are a bit pushy but I was told they can’t force you but it’s there attitude .i thought I needed help but I don’t now
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I just checked what you mean mine was a bit pushy they have certain bullet points to tick off but I’m not doing that now . (detail removed by Moderator)
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Thanks once more. Bullet points to tick off?
Is emotional support that’s apparently on offer to those without support, regarded as a bullet point to check off?
I hope your doing ok, surrounded by good people? and with or without support from them? finding the strength within yourself to recover from all your struggles. 💞
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Hazydayz, unless you and your children are in immediate danger then you will be in control and thry can help but not force them… I had an IDVA, ISVA and now a support worker. I couldn’t do the SA interview but I did the rest. Social say I am a great mum and are involved purely because of what my ex is trying to do. So many differing experiences on here.. I am also divorce stage.. crossing everything for a fair honest outcome but I am not banking on it asni think the systems fails too many of us
HFH
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Hereforhelp thanks for your reply. No children only myself!
Well done you, for getting the recognition of being a good mum, despite what you and yours have been/are going through?
It’s a strange thing to read isn’t it… So long as your in control? they won’t get involved. Control…that’s what so many of us here have recognised we are struggling against, will continue to unless we leave/get help to leave. But, I understand what you mean they mean… being in control of being able to protect ourselves and any children who depend on it.Immediate danger?…injury or death! To include… Future danger, or that of the danger of the damage caused by exposure or repeated exposure to traumatic events their consideration also isn’t it. I guess that’s all of us in it then isn’t it.
If only leaving was simpler, I’m not talking about trauma bonds, I’m talking about if only… we could be surrounded by those who love and understand, and could offer a hand of help to us, so we could climb out of it.
The fact is I believe, the lack of that love and support, help, is why we find ourselves in these terrible situations. I’ve worked that out for myself while I’ve been in this situation I found myself in. Anyway, just want to say…
I’m glad for you all you don’t live with your ex and your looking forward to the future with hope. I hope the system doesn’t fail you all, as you fear it might? I understand that fear.
I didn’t understand when reading your message what an ISVA is? Or an SA interview? Did you have to go through all that to get the support of a support worker? To deal with the practical stuff? Or is she your emotional support also?💞 -
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Hi Hazydayz,
As HFH has said, the acting without your permission is usually only if there are concerns that your life is in immediate danger or if children are at risk of serious harm. Services do differ but you could contact them and ask them about their confidentiality and information sharing policies and talk through any questions you had before disclosing personal information so that you can make an informed decision on whether getting their support feels right for you.
Due to the nature of domestic abuse taking control away from you, the focus of services should be empowering you to be in control of your own decisions and doing things in your own time at a pace that is right for you.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa-
Thankyou Lisa. I really do hope there is real help out in the world in the form of organisations that empower women to be able to climb up and out of terrible situations they wake up to or find themselves in. I shall look for those who offer non judgemental understanding, help and support and don’t aim to bulldoze me along like I am unable to move or think for myself. I am a survivor afterall.
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My IDVA is fantastic, she’s very supportive and has helped explain things to me when I couldn’t understand what the police were saying as my brain has been like mush. She’s checked in on me, referred me for support and sorted additional home security, always calls or messages when I need her. They want what is best for you and their job is to help. I found the police pushier but if you tell them you’re not ready to make decisions no one can force you to do anything you don’t want to or aren’t ready to. On some of my initial calls/meetings with police and my IDVA I had a friend present who could support me and ask questions etc on my behalf, so that might be worth considering xx
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Hey Hazydayz, I’m sorry you don’t have anyone who can go with you. When I’ve met the police and the IDVA on my own, I always scribble notes as they talk and ask them to repeat themselves as often as I need to so I can understand. Don’t feel bad about asking for clarity when nothing is sinking in, its very tough when your emotions are all over the place. And don’t feel rushed or pushed to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Hopefully you too will have a supportive IDVA and it might be worth reaching out. If you don’t have friends or family to support you at the moment its so important you find individuals or groups that can, including us, were here to help each other through this as best we can. You look after yourself xx
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