It’s taken years but I am about to file for divorce

[Stuckinturmoil]

I need to get out of my marriage. My husband has unpredictable rages. He puts me down. Ridicules me and swears at me. He puts down any achievement.
I still live with him. I am about to file for divorce and I am worried what will happen. Solicitor told me not to leave the family home. Problem is I told him this and he will not leave either. We are in separate rooms. I am scared of what will happen.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Stuckinturmoil

Sorry to hear you are stuck in this right now, but its good to hear you have started to make moves to change it.

Please make sure you and your personal belongings are safe. Nothing is beyond their capability, so put a good lock on your door for when you are sleeping in there and when you are out so that your stuff is safe. Make sure any window is left closed/locked too.

Speak to your solicitor about an occupation order, if they haven’t mentioned this to you already, because he is a risk to you, especially now that he knows its over between you and he has nothing to lose now and may have just made himself homeless due to his abuses.

Have you spoken to any domestic abuse agency about safety planning to make sure you take all reasonable steps to lower your risk from him?

Its such a tough situation to be in, do keep posting when you need. Sending you every strength.

Warmest wishes

ts

[tiredofitall]

My husband was the same, unpredictable rages, always criticising me, putting me down. I had enough and told him I was divorcing him. He didn’t believe me but I was resolute and just started the proceedings. I just kept saying its happening and if its takes longer because you object it will still happen. He tried all the tricks, days of constant verbal attacks, some pretty confrontational aggressive ones but he never went physical (even though he had before) because he knew there was a change and I would involve police now, when I never did before.
Anyway we lived together while house sale going through, absolute hell. But I just stayed focused on the end goal. After all I’d put up with this for years without freedom in sight so now I had to just stay strong. In the end he left and now I am just waiting for the legal stuff to get sorted. It takes a lot more time than I thought it would so you need to be prepared for that.
I also talked to the police so they knew in advance my background if I needed to call them.
My husband is aggressive and a bully but I felt pretty confident that he wouldn’t go further but I know from lots of people on here that all this can make them worse do you do need to be extra careful.
Good luck x

[Stuckinturmoil]

Thanks TS and TOIA
I still haven’t quite done it. Tried to speak to him again today but he refuses to discuss. Refused to listen or go to counselling. He cannot see he is at fault at all. Tells me I am an oddball and read too much on the internet.
I am so close now but panicked slightly about the future about him taking the children away without me.
I am also worried that getting ripped off with expensive solicitor and maybe I should go with a cheaper online one such as the Co op.
On top of all this I am still wondering if it’s all in my head. And is a life with him better than a life alone. With less money.
I feel like I am being buried alive.

[nbumblebee]

Maybe I shouldnt post I am no where near where you are but I felt like I wanted to say something. From what ive read on here I would advise you to stop talking to him. Stop telling him what you are doing these men will mever ever take reaponcibility for what they do to us never so you are just wasting your time and he will do anything say anything he can to keep you he needs you more than you need him.
My asvise would be to talk to womans aid or your local domestic abise charity these people know and understand and can help and guide you through divorce preceedings you dont have to do this alone.
My goodness you have been so brave so far keep that end goal in mind its not an easy path to travel at all but my god the destination will be so wkrth it right? Good luck sweetie xxxxxx

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

Similar drama for me. Getting lawyer help difficult and controlling emotions surrounding this after being very safe for a long time.

I have not replied to exes various abusive messages via phone, but keep messages that go unreplied.

I never did face to face negotiation – to dangerous.

This has made me sick and scared in middle of cost of living crisis. It’s hitting me bad.

It’s particularly concerning. I cannot answer a lot of questions. It’s difficult to divorce and costly.

[Author]

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