This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  HopeLifeJoy 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #87584
     Rainbowcloud 
    Participant

    It’s the weekend again so he started again his ‘family member’ came here yesterday and I was telling her how he accused me of taking his car and driving it without his permission this didn’t happen I’ve got my own car. He has accused me so bad he basically went out and measured where his car was to the night before and said it had moved one metre.
    I said it in a jokey way well he went ballistic in front of them they didn’t know what to do with themselves he said I tried to show him up and make him look stupid and that I had taken his car in the past and his car is worth so much money he can’t risk me taking it and wrecking it like I ruin everything. He was saying this infront of the family member he went on for at least forty mins saying I ruin my own car that it has marks and I can’t take care of anything blah blah.
    In the end they left she’s quite passive so didn’t stick up for me at all even though how he was speaking to me was like a dog. I messaged her after and apologized as it was very uncomfortable all round she just said it was ok.
    Then he tried to be nice to me after she went and was like let’s watch a film together etc but I was so not in the mood we went to bed and he was like I love you well I don’t love you. I feel like I’m not me when around him I’m quite horrible back now and don’t make jokes or be myself because he makes me feel so down on myself in so miserable all the time.
    He acts like he actually hates me I hate me now too.

  • #87596
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    What a manipulative a*.
    He use to spoil my weekends too.

    Have you read the book Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft, he’s explaining that abusers create confusion as smoke screen in order to abuse us.
    The argument about the car for example was just a way of getting you to deplete your energy on trying to figure out his non-sense. His true aim is placing you in a defensive position. It gives him a sense of power. He will repeat it next weekend either by building upon the same argument or creating a new one. Either way it isn’t about the car, the cat or the gold fish, it’s about placing you in a defensive position where he thinks you’ll loose. Making him the winner. Making him feel good. Making you feel bad.

    Can you get away from him? He isn’t worth your time and your company. You deserve to be with people who love who you are and make you feel loved and with whom you love yourself.
    You deserve to live a life where you can be yourself and enjoy your weekends peacefully without arguments or stupid power-games of his.
    You deserve to be treated with respect.

    Sending you strength and hugs 💕
    Keep posting honey

  • #87599
     Rainbowcloud 
    Participant

    I’ve never thought of it like that Thankyou so much! He said I humiliated him more like the other way around.
    I’m not allowed to use or touch his stuff even down to little nail clippers.
    He’s trying to be ok again now and he’s sat upstairs this whole situation just isn’t working I don’t even hug or kiss him anymore. Sometimes I want to as I want that love and approval but I can’t bring myself to do it he’s so nasty to me most days I’ve got a huge wall up now to stop that. My brother got me a new car he works in cars and does them up etc so he bought me one for very cheap and has done it up for me and he’s so jealous. He can’t hide it it’s all over his face because I never have nice things he always has the better things and I have the c**p and he likes that. He won’t leave the house I’m just out of energy I’m scared to push it and make him go I know the drama that comes with it all.
    I’ve done it before and it is never good I’m going to leave myself I think thags all I have left

  • #87609
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    It sounds like mentally you’ve already taken steps out of the relationship. Which is really good because you’re deserving so much better than this cruel jealous waste of a man.
    Now it is a matter of getting out safely and making it lasting. I would suggest calling Women’s Aid and ask how to best go about it.
    Your brother sounds like a very decent man, I am glad he gave you your own car, that must be nice, do keep the keys with you so your partner won’t sabotage or destroy it okay.

    Here’s to you and better weekends ahead 💕
    Keep posting

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