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It’s been a few weeks since I ended my relationship. I knew this time I had to cut complete contact which I did. The harassment has stopped but not by choice as he has no way of contacting me as I changed my number. We have children together so I knew at some point I would have to speak to him. I’ve been in contact with one of his family members who tells me he’s “getting help” as he’s threatened to kill himself many times though out the relationship aswell as now. He’s a very manipulative man. I know he’s manipulative I know what he’s done to me is wrong but I still sit here thinking that I’m also wrong? Maybe I was horrible to him because I would be defensive every time he would say “I’m struggling” I thought he was trying to manipulate me. He would say things like “you don’t care how I feel” “what I want isn’t important” when I tell him I don’t want to be with him he would say things like “(detail removed by moderator)”. So this family member asked if I could contact him to discuss our children I was pretty confident how it was going to go but I thought I would try.. well it went exactly how I thought it would go he wasn’t interested in actually seeing his children and just went on about how he misses us how he’s getting help he’s doing this and that and when I stood firm and said (detail removed by moderator) he wasn’t having any of it as he’s doing this all for “us”. I ended up just blocking him again. He’s now plastered on social media saying things like he’s never going to see his kids again how he (detail removed by moderator). Like I’m really torn between is he just trying to manipulate me or is he actually mentally unwell? I don’t know what to think im so confused. Some days im confident in how I feel and I think he’s done all this before “getting help” but others im like is he really hurting could he actually kill himself? Am I making it worse? Was he actually abusive or did he just want to feel loved and I didn’t give him that so that’s why he would say he would kill himself? I’m so on edge all the time. And people are feeling sorry for him and it’s making me feel bad.
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It is a common tactic for abusers to say they are suicidal. Even if he truly is, you are not qualified to make that determination or to help him, only a qualified professional is. I think they say these things to make us feel responsible for them. You have yourself and your children to take care of, he can take his pity party to a therapist. If he really is suicidal then he shouldn’t be anywhere near your kids.
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Hi Cherryade
I read your post and I totally understand you. Even though we know we’ve been manipulated, told it’s down to mental health problems etc we still feel guilty! We question ourselves.
I split up from my husband recently and he flits from saying things to try and guilt trip me to being absolutely reasonable and pleasant!
It confuses me as I keep thinking aw he’s being so nice and kind why have i split the family up?
You feel totally torn. On one hand I feel relief, happier on my own with the kids. On the other hand, I miss him!
I’m not sure what to do but I guess we just have to take one day at a time. I am hoping it will all become easier.
Just know that you’re not alone 🤍🤍🤍🤍
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