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    • #10025
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      OK – so I wanted to come on here for once and not be asking for help – I’m a couple of years out now – and things are not perfect, life is not ‘wonderful’ – BUT things are SO MUCH better – I’m ‘at peace’ with things now, life is so much more relaxed – we no longer have to jump every time he shouts – we no longer have to live in fear of him coming home every day.

      It has been a rollercoaster – with many ups and downs – and I do have worries, and bad days still, but on the whole, life is so much better.

      It’s no bed of roses being a single parent, teenagers can be a ‘handful’ to say the least – and money is always tight – but we get by – we muddle through – and family life on the whole is do much better now we are not living with him.

      Our pace of life now is exactly how WE want it to be – we can go to bed when we like, get up when we like, eat what we want, when we want, and we can have weekends when we can do nothing at all – if that’s what WE choose to do!!!!! πŸ™‚

      It’s never easy making the break for freedom – its not easy to leave – but there comes a time – for your own safety and sanity, you have to get away.

      You will have lonely times – but you will also have great times – happy times – being able to have friends and family over or go out with friends and family – all the things he would not allow you to do.

      I just wanted to say to any of you out there thinking of going – but too scared to leave – in the end it IS worth it – I will NEVER go back to him.
      It’s hard to begin with and you will face many struggles and problems – but it feels wonderful to cope with it on your own, and to overcome them.
      You should be proud for getting over every hurdle and coming out the other side, a braver, stronger, happier woman – be proud of each and every little achievement in your new life – be proud of this new woman you are changing in to – this is the new you!!!!!

      So good luck to you all – each and every one of you – I wish you all the best for your future – whither you have been out for years, newly out or only thinking of leaving him.

      YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • #10026
      Red1
      Participant

      πŸ’œ thank you for your inspirational post m.u.m that was really helpful to read just now 😊 that is exactly how I picture my family life in say a year from now (hopefully sooner though!) I don’t want much, just that freedom for me and kids to do (or not do!) anything we like without being questioned on every single choice and decision, to be out of that maddening reality. It’s great to read about someone who is already there, well done you, you’re fabulous x*x

      • #10027
        mixed-up mum
        Participant

        Awww – thank YOU for your kind words. πŸ™‚

        I’m just having a good day – appreciating my freedom – and wanted to pass it on…..

        I’m not really a very ‘inspirational’ person – there are many, many MUCH stronger ladies on here than me.

        But sometimes in your darkest hours you just need a little bit of hope……

        I only wish Id have known about Survivors Forum while I was with him still and struggling.
        Now that I HAVE found all you lovely ladies, I’m on here most days – and sometimes all day and ALL NIGHT in difficult days!!!!

        Just remember those of you just newly out or trying to leave him – it WILL take time – it won’t happen overnight – but one day you will look back and see how far you have come and how different a person you are now!!!

        I wish you good luck Red1 – YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • #10028
      Serenity
      Participant

      What a lovely post, and yes, I agree with so much of what you wrote.

      There does come a point when you suddenly move to feeling free and strong. Though you might have difficult days, you never quite go back to being how you were at the beginning. X

      • #10029
        mixed-up mum
        Participant

        Thank you too Serenity. πŸ™‚

        Well the way I look at it is we none of us ‘signed up’ for all of this!!!

        I met and fell in love with one man – I married him, had kids with him and then it all changed – (removed by moderator) down the line I left a very different man!!!

        He WAS once lovely, and kind and caring and gentle and he turned in to this horrible, nasty, cruel, bully.

        I had no idea when we met, and married the kind of man I was marrying – and who/what he would turn in to – one day I realised we could no longer stand living with him – and so eventually I found the courage to leave him and make a new life for me and the kids – and we’re doing OK on our own – yes I was scared to leave – scared of what the future held in store for us – but I had to get us away – and anything is better than living the life we were living.

        It takes time to make a new life – suddenly you find yourself alone and a single parent – and this was never how I wanted things to end – when I married I married for life – not knowing of course what lay ahead for me and my family…..
        All I ever wanted was to grow old together – and love each other forever – but that was not how things turned out.

        Life chose a very different path for me than I had always imagined – but now I’m out and I’m FREE – and we are getting back to some kind of normal life – things do settle down in time.

    • #10030
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      O Mixed Up Mum

      Thank you so much for your post, I can wait till I have my own front door and not living under his cloud.

      FS xx

    • #10068
      Daisy
      Participant

      What a lovely,inspirational post m.u.m,
      before joining, or posting, lovely ladies out there look in and read,
      A little bit of real life success , just like this , gives hope and goes such a long way to others realising that the impossible just needs a bit of careful rearranging into I’m possible.
      X x x

    • #10096
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Hi there Falling Skys & Daisy – nice to hear from you both – yes it is good to have your own front door – your own space – your own life – and be independent.

      It’s a struggle at times bringing up two teenagers on your own – I did not plan for this – but we get by – the peace of mind and the freedom is SO worth any sacrifice you have to make.

      Hope you are having a good day?

      πŸ™‚ x*x. πŸ™‚

    • #10113
      Stupidgirl40
      Participant

      So lovely to hear this. I am still stuck in the house waiting for divorce n house sale. I simply cannot wait for my own little place with my 2 teenagers. To do what we want when we want! Never wanted anything so much in my life x

    • #10127
      missgiddypants
      Participant

      Hi Mum hope your ok
      good that you enjoy doing what you want on a weekend I do that too get up when I want to and do nothing if I feel like it ,go out walks as I have 2 four legged friends so have to get dressed but they keep me going
      I too look back now and think why or how did he grow into such an abusive bully as he was young when we met it developed the older he got ,but early on in my marriage he accused me of having affairs but unlike you I not leave ,he was the one that left me for someone else but now few years down the line wouldn’t have him back as I couldn,t stand his arrogant manner ,I live alone as we not have kids find it very hard but no man will ever put me through what he did ever .life isn’t how I imagined being alone again but I keep plodding along x

    • #10168
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Yes, it is worth it. My Sunday was so peaceful today. Nobody shouting at me or beating me. I could do what I wanted. It is wonderful.

    • #10274
      newlife2015
      Participant

      I agree – it is lovely not walking on eggshells all of the time and dreading returning home every evening. It is lovely spending quality time with my children, playing games etc which I could never do when I was with him as my anxiety was so bad and he was always making me feel guilty for spending time with them not him. The struggles are different, being a single mum is hard some days as one of my children’s behaviour can be particularly challenging at times but I would not change it for the world – I know that if I had stayed I would probably had a breakdown in the end or worse – life is SO much better – I love appreciating the little things e.g – not looking at my watch if I am out for a meal, not worrying about him texting and me having to text straight back, eating what I want when I want, buying what I want, spending my money how I want to, staying with my family when I want to and for as long as I want etc etc – the list goes on! If you are thinking of leaving – please do it – but please get support to leave safely – it may be hard at first and you may think what have I done (I did!) but it does get easier πŸ™‚ xxxx

    • #10477
      one day at a time
      Participant

      Thank you so much mixed mum! Just what I needed today. I’ve been ‘free’ for a while but his abuse still impacts me and my kids. But you’ve reminded me that it’s worth the struggle to be free from living with chaos and fear day in, day out.
      I’m slowly realising that despite all the difficulties, life is beginning to feel good again.

      It’s those little things that you mention like eating what you want, being able to go out to see friends without having to watch the time, go to bed when you want, wear what you want …. Like you said the list is endless.
      I’m glad to be free and wish everyone who is recovering from an abusive relationship a happy and fulfilled life. πŸ™‚

    • #10479
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Hi there Stupid Girl 40 – nice to hear from you, sorry to hear that you are ‘trapped’in the house until it sells – it can’t be easy for you being stuck there when you just want to be away, annd starting your new life, hope it all happens for you soon.

      Hi Miss Giddy Pants – nice to hear from you too – yeah we are doing OK thanks!! πŸ™‚ Yes it is great to just choose to do nothing in PEACE if that’s what we want to do!!! Dogs are great company, and they do make up get up and get out, even when you dont always feel like it!! πŸ˜‰
      It is hard when you no longer recognise the man you met and married. I did not see it until much later on in my marriage, but he is a carbon copy of his father, and his father before him too – I wonder how many of you can look back in hindsight and your husband and your father-in-law and see they are one and the same……its scary how alike he is to his father!!!!!
      You are right – being alone and free is so much better than being trapped with your abuser, treading on eggshells on a daily basis to keep the peace. I too did not imagine I would be alone again in my mid life – but you just have to appreciate your freedom and all that it brings with it. Good luck for the future – I hope life brings you much happiness and contentment. πŸ™‚

      Hi Ayanna – so glad you had a good day and are happy and enjoying your peaceful life. πŸ™‚

      Hi New Life – nice to hear from you too – yes I well remember the butterflies in my stomach as the time drew closer to him arriving home – never knowing what the mood would be that night…..would he be in a good mood and we’d be OK, or would he be in a bad mood and we’d all get yelled at…..
      Yes I had to put up with that too – the jealousy – he hated sharing me with our kids – begrudged any time I spent with THEM and not HIM – as HE had to be the centre of my world…..
      Yes it’s hard being a single mum, but the freedom is worth it – I could not, and will not, go back to him and live a life like that again…..
      Yes it’s the little things we appreciate now – things that ladies in a normal relationship would take for granted, are SO PRECIOUS to us women now we are free…..
      Yes it is hard to begin with – so many ups and downs in the first year – but things DO get better and its worth that struggle, and the hard times – things do settle in time and you do make a new life again – and become happier, more relaxed and just enjoy the peace. Good luck – onwards and upwards eh!!!!! πŸ™‚

      Hi One Day at a Time – nice to hear from you today – how are you?
      Yes as I said above – the first year is definitely the worst – then things do settle and you begin to make this new life – one day you do just look back and see how far you HAVE come – and see how settled and relaxed you are now – and how you begin to leave your past behind, and realise you have done it – you are free and you have made a new life – you got through the hard times – the low days and gradually you do begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel….. there becomes less and less bad days as you grow stronger and cope better – and grow into the ‘new you’!!!!!

      Good luck in your new lives those of you that are now free – and those who are trying to leave – one day you will find the courage – I did it – you can do it too!!!!! πŸ™‚ x*x πŸ™‚

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