it's your fault I'm like this

[strong soul]

My ex used to blame me for his outbursts, if I hadn’t of questioned him, if I had just gone and got his second bottle of scotch etc etc. The next day was always the same excuse. I didn’t mean it, it was the booze talking. YOU are NOT to blame for his behaviour. It’s taken me a long time, but I now know that the shame is his, not mine.

[Serenity]

Good on you for realising that. Write it down and look at that statement every time you begin to doubt it. It’s like we have moments of pure clarity, then the doubt sets in, like a cycle.

There’s never any excuse for abuse X

[strong soul]

It wasn’t till years later that I realised that actually I was more angry with myself for allowing him to take control of me for so long. Especially when I ignored the warning bells banging through my head very early on in our relationship. Never ever again will I ignore my gut feeling. If it feels wrong it probably is.

[KIP.]

There is a good book called Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. It will explain a lot about his and your behaviour. You can also ring the helpline number on here to speak to someone X

[EeyoreNoMore]

Childish isn’t it? These idiots never grow up. They sound like whining children who don’t have the guts to take responsibility for their own actions, while we take responsibility for, and become weighed down by, just about everything.

[strong soul]

Thankyou to everyone for your comments. I will definitely buy the book.

[jsscollie]

I’ll buy the book too. Strong Soul, you mentioned he said it was the booze talking – have you found the talking is more exhausting than if you had to physically defend yourself?

[Herindoors]

My ex before we go for the night – don’t let me drink too much tonight
while out – stop being boring and telling me to not to drink too much
next day – why did you let me drink so much?

And I would blame myself for ‘letting’ him drink….

[strong soul]

Jsscollie, what I meant about the booze talking was that he would blame his abuse on the alcohol. When I suggested that maybe he should stop drinking so much, he hurled a load of abuse at me and stormed off to the off licence. It was my fault for winding him up of course!!!!

[Author]

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