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Weeks ago I was on here posting how terribly awful things were. I had gone away and come back to the biggest smear campaign ever, then he weedled his way back into my life. Constant calls, then when he found out I had a new life for myself and I was going out, he started to panic, if I even thought about venturing out bow he knew , that was it, I would be finished. My life would be even more useless and trashed. I had a marac meeting and they say he is highly volatile and dangerous, he keeps wanting to meet which I eventually get blackmailed into. I found out he slept with an enemy of mine and is now denying it. The fact he can sit there and bare face lie like he does takes my breath away. He now rings me in the mornings, afternoons and evenings, he wants to know everything. Getting away from this man was not going to be as easy as I thought. Now he wants late night chats and visits and messaging me he loves me and wants it to work if I abide by his rules. A part of me still loves him but after everything he has done these past weeks and then now denies it shocks me to my very core. He is delusional. He doesn’t care how he does things because he downright denies it and makes me feel ridiculous if I question it further leading to gaslighting and my head is more messed up than it has ever been. I dont want to sleep with him nothing physical is going to happen on my behalf because of what he has done with that dirty enemy of mine. I have gone for testing but feel there is no way out from this guy. I don’t want to be suffocated back or blackmailed into going back with him. Already there are these rules and guidelines I have to follow. I go into my own world when he relays stuff off that I have to adhere to. I don’t want to go back I’ve done so well this past month. Im frightened of what he may do to get me to go back. He has no morals or decency whatsoever. Im completely stuck….again.
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Take a deep breath and start again. You have a right to have absolutely no contact with this man. Remember everything he says is a lie. My ex tried blackmail, threats, promises, pleading, begging, bribing. Went through it all. The only way is to go total no contact. I know this is hard. The police can help too. My ex became the biggest coward once the authorities knew about him. A pathetic loser. Google trauma bonding. I too thought I loved this man but in reality who can really love a man who acts so cruelly towards you. The Fear is part of his tools of control. Fear Obligation and Guilt. FOG of abuse x
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Yes total no contact is the only way. He has tricked you into feeling like you have to respond, but actually you don’t. Anything he says is a lie, and if he is threatening and blackmailing you then they are crimes so you can immediately report them to the police to be added to his file. Unfortunately it may also go against you if they see you are back in contact with him if you go to court, he would then of course turn round and say you instigated contact, they are incredibly sneaky and sink to unbelievable depths. It’s shocking that he is expecting you to return to him after all he has put you through, but the logic of abusers is totally skewed and they see us as possessions with no rights, hence all the ‘rules’ he is telling you to abide by. Know that you are your own person with free will, nobody apart from the law or employment etc can impose rules on us even though abusers like to think they can.
Go back to no contact, keep any attempts he makes at contact recorded as evidence for the police, and don’t let him bully you. Like Kip said, it will be trauma bonding and fear rather than love that binds you to him. I felt so sad after I ended my relationship and think I would have broken no contact if it wasn’t for my outreach worker, friends and the forum who kept me grounded. Post on here every time you are wobbling with contact, ring Samaritans, ask for an outreach worker if you don’t have one, read up on abuse and focus on self care. Keep going and leave him behind in the dust where he belongs.
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