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Sorry this is going to be a really depressing post but I need to share. I try to offer advice and comfort to other posters but really I feel like a fraud. My ex has completely ruined me. When we split up I found out he’d taken out a massive amount of debt in my name I did tell the police but they banged on about how hard it would be to collect evidence and it really stressed me out so I just filed for bankruptcy to get rid. It annoys me because I’ve only taken out two loans in my life which both were fully paid off. I’ve lost two jobs due to him since we split and one was a really good well paid career which I was then told I’ve never be able to do because of the mental health diagnosis I recently got. I’ve got loads of mental health problems which he uses against me to my family and friends to justify how much of a victim he is. I hate this because I believe my problems have been caused by him but there’s nothing I can do about it. He has mentally tortured my children to the point they were scared to come back home to me and they sent me messages off his phone saying they don’t want to see me again.I was offered a safe house but when I went to the school to pick up the children the school wouldn’t let me take them because he had been in and told them a load of lies about me. I tried to explain that he was abusing the kids and that’s why they wouldn’t talk to me but the school said no. U didn’t really know why the kids wouldn’t talk to me at the time but recently they’ve told me that he said if they left him he would commit suicide. He also said that if I move closer to my family it means I don’t live them and that it’s a dangerous area so if they visited they could get murdered. I was forced to move closer to him to keep my children happy I didn’t want them in the middle if a war and they were too young to understand what was going on. My oldest started self harming when she was at his I tried to get the authorities involved but they said they couldn’t do anything unless the kids spoke up which I said they wouldn’t because he’d told them he would die if they said anything. This happen a few years ago and both my kids are still in primary school so self harming at that age made no sense to me at all. I did manage to get residents order at court so he can’t take kids from me anymore (he took them four times before that). The kids hated me for years because I kept having to call the police to get him removed from my friends house. We’ve been homeless twice because of him and when we got this house we all slept on the floor in the living room because he took all the furniture. Now we live in this house which is OK I can’t afford any flooring yet tho. A taxi is provided for school as they had to move me to a different village but without a car I can’t attend parents evenings or any of the children’s events at school. The kids don’t even tell me when they’ve go something on now because they feel sorry for me. They can’t attend any clubs and they have to have full days off if they need the doctors. They can’t attend any clubs or go in any school trips if the trips don’t come back in time for taxi. They can’t see there friends and some of there friends don’t talk to them because their parents have had falling outs with him. My family lives a few hours drive away and we don’t get to see them at all. They can’t drive because of medical conditions. The people in my family have died and it’s broke the kids hearts because they didn’t get to see them before they passed. He tells the kids nobody wants to see them because of me and it is driving a wedge between them. My mental health is shot I havnt been out my front door since the start of March. I am scared to death if seeing him. Despite being told no contact by the courts he just that turns up at my door and rings me all the time but says it’s because of emergencies. It annoys me he has three cars and a house when he’ll do anything to avoid paying maintenance. He owes us thousands but he went self employed so he doesn’t have to pay. I have really bad nightmares about being raped and things and now my kids have started saying they have nightmares. We’ve had no more than 3 hours sleep every night for over a week. So it’s been another day off school for them today because we are all shattered. I should of left when I was offered the safe house but I didn’t I couldn’t break the kids hearts but now they see. They ask all the time if we can move but it’s too late now I don’t think they’ll move us because he’s behaving because he enjoys seeing me suffer and seeing the kids suffer when they’re with me. They do love him but they’re scared of him so we have to go out of our way to make sure he is getting what he wants. I don’t think I can live like this anymore. The feeling of the kids would be better off without me is becoming a daily occurrence. I’m scared to go out and if I do join a club he rings them and gives them abuse and it makes things difficult to see other woman upset by him so I give up. The weathers getting hotter and I look out the window and think I wish I could just go for a walk. I have no proof of his behavior I used to write everything down but I was told it was just t*t for tat. I’ve had some great help but I’ve been let down by some very important services. To sit and watch my children be lonely and my oldest self harm and there’s nothing I can do it’s killing me. He is very clever and he’s ruined me. There’s loads of other things he has done but I have to go because like I said I’ve got my children off school because he’s ruining our mental health. I’m sorry for such a depressing post
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Hey, you haven’t failed at all. You’re still fighting. You absolutely do not have to put up with this. You’re trapped in a trauma bubble. Ring women’s aid for support. You can’t do this on your own. Go back and ask for that safe house right away. What he is still doing is coercive control and illegal. It’s also harassment. Ring the police and ask for the domestic abuse unit. Your kids need you so put any other thoughts out of your head. I lived with a bully for decades. You cannot win any arguments with them so zero contact is very important. Abusers are toxic. Toxic to our mental health. There is a helpline number on here. Please ring them for help. It’s never too late to escape. Would the people he has harassed give a statement to the police?
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