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It’s impossible not to. We have a tiny baby and a school age daughter (she’s not his but he’s always been in her life). We only split up a few days ago and my head a spin with that and keeping it together for the children. I don’t want to ask him for help but he seems to think he can just do all the usual stuff without it affecting me. I’ve told him he will always be part of their life and it must be so hard being away from them for him but I don’t know of the logistics of how to sort contact at the moment. He also said as much as he wants to hate me he can’t because he misses me… But he has no reason to hate me!!
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HI hun
I remember u from the old site, not sure if u remember me, It is hard when kids are involved, your right don’t ask for help , this will be hard but u can do on your own, i had days when i left thinking oh i will keep in contact cause of kids and u know what hun they really dont care, they just use to keep control of u and mess with your head. You r a lot stronger then u beleive, they break our elf esteem a lot more then we realize, continuing talking to us ladies and to womensaid, speak to your gp or midwife, most importantly keep a network so u remain strong and get support . They play so many games hun we have to be a step ahead, and u will finding talking to survivors on here we will guide u , try and do no contact even if for a while sou can mentally get strong, makes such a difference, he will wait . let him have his trantrum , cause he misses abusing u hun , they dont miss us, they miss the benefits they have lost out on by being with us, they r toxic drug and we have to wean ourselves of them , u r better than him and part of this process is learning to love ourselves again, it helps to think if that happened to my friend what would i advise her, then tell yourself well its happening to me and this is what i need to do.;..accepting it is wrong when it happens to others is easier then accepting it happend to us . TRust your gut instinct, your body will give u indirect messages,i never realized how strong the messages can be , your body will react to him as a warning sign, listen to what your brain and body is trying to tell u
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Hi Starmoon,
As you have only recently split up it is better to try and keep contact to a minimum. Emotions are running very high at this point and you may end up saying or doing something you regret if you have contact at the moment. I know you have a baby but maybe you could ask a friend or family member to help you with contact between you or mediation? If you don’t think it’s a problem to deal directly with him then that is your decision, but I just think that you need to give yourself as much distance as you can to help yourself move on.
It sounds like you are doing really especially despite what you are going through.
Best wishes
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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