I’ve finally left him!

[Dovegirl]

Hi all, I’m new here. Just a little bit about my back story. I’ve finally separated from my abusive husband only very recently. Let’s just say it didn’t end well and it’s quite messy with the law involved. We all have this notion that it’s all going to be easy but hey nothing ever is. I still can’t quite believe that its happened, like it’s a dream. I’ve got amazing support from different organisations which is fab but a bit overwhelming at times. Nothing however stops the tears from flowing at night and the nightmares that spring up from nowhere. It does however feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders although I know I have a difficult few months ahead of me. I’m not scared of what the future may hold. I’m optimistic. My emotions are up and down but that is to be expected and it’s going to take a long long time, if at all, to get over that awful existence that was my life. People who don’t understand but try to be kind would say ‘oh just leave him’ but we all know on here that for most that could be practically impossible and to be fearful of the consequences that could bring. It’s a real fear. Thanks for letting me babble on a bit and I hope to be part of this group xx

[Lifebegins]

Hi Dovegirl, well done you!!!

As someone who’s left, and before leaving, never thought I could actually do it, it’s a massive surprise to actually do it! So give yourself a lot of credit.

I’ve been out for quite some time now, and my advice is be kind to yourself as things are not going to be resolved overnight, go no contact (this was I think the difference to me not going back as I had done before) and just start enjoying life. It’s all the little things that you couldn’t do before that make the difference xx

Stay strong and sending you a virtual hug 🤗 xx

[Dovegirl]

Hi Lifebegins thanks for your kind message.
I’ve left him several times before but is is definitely the final time. Circumstances are very different this time and there is no contact involved. It’s just the little things in life now I can do which I suppose most people in life just take for granted makes me know that this is it. I’m free and it makes me feel good inside.
Hugs to you too xx

[tiredofitall]

Hi Dovegirl, I can only echo what Lifebegins said – well done!

Its not easy to do it and you have!! I’ve been out for almost a year now and its been the best time of my life. Not that it has been easy but finally being free is just the best feeling. Even when I feel low or overwhelmed it still feels a million times better than the dark times of still being there – my days dictated to by the mood of someone else.

Just take it one day at a time, there will be periods where you might not feel as optimistic as you do now. I know I’m still working through some trauma and that’s only natural.

You’ve done so well!

xx

[Dovegirl]

Hi tiredofitall
Again everything you say is so 1000% true to me. I’m so glad there is someone in the world who totally understands what I feel and where I’m coming from. I know I’ve got a difficult year ahead but I know I’m not alone, I’ve got a load of support from different sources and more importantly, support from all you guys. He told me no one would ever believe me. Now I have hope that finally everyone will xx

[makeadifference]

Well done for leaving the hardest bit is over! Not to say its not going to be hard work, but your doing it for your babies! I left my abusive ex and are now going through family court, while going through this ive joined womens aid campaigns! The cycle needs to be broken. Again i can not echo enough how proud i am you have left!

[Dovegirl]

Hi makeadifference ❤
Thanks for your kind message. To be honest I didn’t even know this forum existed until I made that final leap. I so wished I did though. However I am so glad I’m on here now and if I’ve got any words of advice or just to bend my ear can help just one person then I know I’ll be ok xx

[browneyedmum]

It sounds like you’ve got a good, strong sense of where you’re at on all of it. It is scary, unpredictable and yes… sometimes overwhelming. So give yourself some grace… break up the large obstacles into bite-sized pieces that are much more manageable and give yourself a pat on the back, every step of the way. xX

[Dovegirl]

Hi browneyedmum ❤

Thanks for your kind words and support. Its baby steps all the way for me as everything has happened so fast!! Over the years I’ve tried to cope with things by compartmentalising them into (in my mind) boxes and I deal with stuff by slowly opening the ‘boxes’ and dealing with the issues inside. Silly I know but it has helped me a lot in the past few years.
Sending many hugs to you xx

[browneyedmum]

Nothing silly about that… it happens to be a very common coping mechanism for when in ‘survival mode’. Take care of you! xX

[Dovegirl]

Thanks ❤ xx

[Lostnalone]

Dovegirl well done sweetheart. Life passes u by so fast when ur in a relationship like this. U blink n think where (detail removed by Moderator)yrs gone!!I compartmentalised everything but didn’t open the boxes! Boom another (detail removed by Moderator) yrs on top of the time I already served. The best thing is you have got good support because u wil need them darling. The support out the is amazing. I’m (detail removed by Moderator) wks I’ve achieved alot paper wise!! Head wise that defo going to be I different fight. But we wil all get through it. Especially with support from here. Stay strong.xxxxx

[StrongLife]

Good on you.

The nightmare disappear after a time. Apparently it is normal for nightmares to come after leaving.

Glad you are feeling optimistic.

Congratulations on leaving and moving onto new life

[Author]

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